By John Hobbs

Thursday, March 22

Gay's Anatomy

Her show killed in Provincetown this past summer. San Francisco and New Orleans were brought to their knees. Now Varla Jean Merman is charming the City of Angels with her hilarious comedy/cabaret act, Varla Jean Is Anatomically Incorrect at Ultra Suede. $25. Two-drink minimum. Thursday nights, 8 p.m. Through March 29. 661 N. Robertson Blvd. W. Hlywd. www.groovetickets.com

Electric Youth

The Arena is ground zero for the 18-and-over pulsating pop party Tiger Heat with DJ Ray Rhodes. $8 cover. Every Thursday, 9:30 p.m.-2 a.m. Hollywood Arena, 6655 Santa Monica Blvd., Hlywd. www.clubtigerheat.com

Party Like a Rock Star

Thursday nights rock at Ultra Suede as the trendy dancery presents Rock ‘n’ Roll Fag Bar. For just two bones, you can throw down rock-star drink specials and rock out to some kick-ass mixes of electronica, modern rock and alternative by DJ Kathy Valenti. $2. 9 p.m. 661 N. Robertson Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.factorynightclub.com

Smack Attack

Gulp, don’t sip the cocktails served up tall, cold and free for just five minutes each hour at Smack, the world’s fastest open bar. DJ Josh Peace provides the eclectic musical soundtrack to this boisterous party. Every Thursday. Free. 9 p.m. O-Bar, 8279 Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.tomwhitmanpresents.com

Can you feel the heat?

Ladies—does the freezing winter weather have you looking for some Heat? Check out here lounge’s Thursday night party featuring loads of luscious lesbians and DJ Josh Peace dropping the illest mixes of your favorite hip-hop, Latin dance and reggaeton songs. 696 Robertson Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.herelounge.com

Friday, March 23

Skin is in

Skin is in at MJ’s bar every Friday night as Tattoo Chris and Anthony Lopez bring you a sexy dance party with hot mixes provided by DJ Mike. 9 p.m.-2 a.m. 2810 Hyperion Ave., Silver Lake. www.mjsbar.com

Weekly Bible Study It Is Not

Join Tom Whitman for Drunk and Horny, West Hollywood’s sexy Friday night party at i candy where DJ Josh Peace keeps the party bumpin’ with his hot mix of dirty pop, trashy house and party music. Free. 9 p.m.-2 a.m. 7929 Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.tomwhitmanpresents.com

Pull Over

You won’t find any 18-wheelers, blue-plate specials or squawking CB radios at this Truck Stop—just a bunch of hotties dancing on the bar to the tunes of DJ Herrick Hell. Every Friday. here lounge, 696 N. Robertson Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.herelounge.com

Saturday, March 24

From Dusk Till Dawn

All week long, you report to work at 9 a.m. sharp, you get your three squares, and you’re in bed at a reasonable hour. Cut loose this Saturday night at Raw, Jeffrey Sanker’s monthly party featuring 50 go-go dancers, sexy voyeuristic vignettes and the hard, dark and sexy music of DJ Phil B. $25 advance, $30 door. 9 p.m.-5 a.m. Factory Nightclub, 652 N. La Peer Dr., W. Hlywd. www.jeffreysanker.com

Funny Girl

Comedienne Judy Gold will have the Wilshire Theatre in stitches tonight when she headlines the Guardians’ 2007 Comedy Night benefiting the L.A. Jewish Home for the Aging. Joining the Twenty-Five Questions for a Jewish Mother star will be Marc Maron, Roy Zimmerman and former Let’s Make A Deal host, Monty Hall. $100+. 8 p.m. 8440 Wilshire Blvd., Beverly Hills. www.laguardians.com

Sisters with Voices

Fill your heart with song tonight as Vox Femina takes to the stage performing Carmina Burina with the help of guest artists from the Gay Men’s Chorus of L.A., the L.A. Children’s Chorus and the USC Percussion Ensemble. $25 advance, $30 door. 8 p.m. Wilshire United Methodist Church, 4350 Wilshire Blvd., L.A. (310) 922-00205 or www.voxfeminala.org

Nocturnal Emissions

Tune in to Indie 103.1 FM at midnight for Neon Noise with DJ Paul V. His weekly radio show features all the dirty electro, indie rock remixes, and mashups you can shake a stick at. It's the next best thing to actually being at a club! www.myspace.com/smashmix

Get Screwed

Embrace your inner master at Eagle L.A.’s Screw—and then quickly force it back into submission. The Purveyors of Perversion return to once again transform Eagle L.A. into a den of debauchery with nasty go-go sluts, S&M shows and DJ Tom Walker spinning cock rock, electronic and funk. $6. 9 p.m.-2 a.m. 4219 Santa Monica Blvd., L.A. www.eaglela.com

Wiggle it Just a little bit

If you’re planning to hit the town tonight, don’t forget to leave some Wiggle Room in your schedule. The new club night at i candy—featuring free Svedka vodka shots from 9 to 10 p.m., a pantheon of go-go gods and DJ Chi Chi La Rue on the turntables—is sure to become your new Saturday night hotspot. 7929 Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.icandylounge.com

Sunday, March 25

Play on, Player

It’s all about here lounge on Sunday nights as the club hosts Player featuring jock go-go boys, big name DJs and enough booze to keep your game going strong. Free. 7 p.m.-2 a.m. 696 Robertson Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.tomwhitmanpresents.com

Party in NoHo

It’s 8 o’clock on a Sunday night and you’ve got nothing to do. What’s a guy to do? Hit up the Sunday night beer bust at Club Cobra, where DJ Paul V. gets the crowd moving with his mix of indie alt. rock and electro beats. 8 p.m.-2 a.m. Free. 10937 Burbank Blvd., N. Hlywd. www.myspace.com/clubcobrala

Monday, March 26

Sacramento or Bust

Don’t keep on waiting for the world to change. Join the hundreds of LGBT youth headed to Sacramento today to call for an end to the discrimination and harrassment in schools based on sexual orientation and gender issues. To sign up for the event, sponsored by the Gay-Straight Alliance Network, Equality California and Bienestar, go to www.eqca.org/qyad/2007.

Crunch some numbers

If you like Numbers, how’s this one—1/2, as in half-price dinner deals every Monday night. Make your reservations today! 8741 Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.numbersrestaurant.com

Tuesday, March 27

Design of the DecAids

Making its U.S. debut at the Hollywood Digital Video Festival, taking place at the Fairfax Cinema Theatre March 26-April 1, DecAIDS: Anything is Possible is a video documentary chronicling the fashion industry’s efforts to combat HIV/AIDS with its 20th annual fundraiser, Fashion Cares. Free. 10:50 p.m. 7907 Beverly Blvd., L.A. www.hollywooddvfestival.com

Roam if you want to

Does your wanderlust have you itching to travel the world and the seven seas? Well, pack your bags—all that separates you from an exotic stamp on your all-too-white passport could be the Gay Life Travel Expo taking place tonight at the Bel Age Hotel. 5-9 p.m. Bel Age Hotel, 1020 N San Vicente Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.gaylifetravelexpo.com

High-Octane Hangout

Looking to get your party on in the 818? Check out Club Fuel with its Twisted Tuesdays, Re-Fuel Thursdays, Commando Saturdays and Beer Bust Sundays. 11608 Ventura Blvd., Studio City. www.clubfuel.us

On the Cheap

Start your night off right by dropping by West Hollywood’s newest eatery, the boulevard lounge, for happy hour. For the price of a few cocktails at pricier establishments, you can throw down several drinks, an array of mouth-watering appies and even a burger or hot dog. Tues.-Fri., 4-7 p.m. 1114 N. Crescent Heights Blvd., W. Hlywd. (323) 654-6686

RImJOb

The name says it all, huh? Get there early to avoid the line. $6. MJ’s, 2810 Hyperion Ave., Silver Lake. www.mjsbar.com

Wednesday, March 28

The Gay Luck Club

Gather your rabbits’ feet and troll dolls and dash over to Hamburger Mary’s for Legendary Bingo, a wacky and fresh spin on your grandma’s game of chance. Tonight benefits Media City Ballet, which is preparing for its upcoming special presentation of The Men of the Ballet Russe, a tribute honoring the male dancers of the famous Ballet Russe. $20 suggested donation. 7-9 p.m. Hamburger Mary’s, 8288 Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.mediacityballet.org

Looking Fierce or Fiercely Looking

Club Girl Talk at Encounters in Pasadena offers transgenders, cross dressers and their admirers a night to mingle while DJ Tony spins top 40 and dance hits into the night. $5. 203 Sierra Madre Blvd., Pasadena. www.encountersnightclub.com

Something wicked this way comes

Have a wicked good time at Club Metro’s Wicked Wednesdays, featuring live hip-hop, reggaeton and R&B performances with some of L.A.’s sexiest go-go dancers. Free with guest list before 10 p.m. $5 otherwise. Ultra Suede, 661 N. Robertson Blvd., W. Hlywd. (323) 769-6333

Sing Out, Louise

What better way to get over the mid-week hump than guzzling two-for-one drinks at Fiesta Cantina and captivating your friends with your own renditions of old karaoke standards? Karaoke with Kenny, 10:30 p.m.-1:45 a.m. 8851 Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.karaokewithkenny.com

Set ‘em Up and Knock ‘em down

Half-price specials on some of the best-tasting cocktails in West Hollywood? We’re there. Don’t miss Wednesday nights at East/West Lounge with its Premium blend of two-for-one drink specials running from 9-10 p.m. and again from midnight to 1 a.m. 8851 Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.eastwestlounge.com

Thursday, March 29

My Chemical Romance

Author Lewis DeSimone drops by A Different Light Bookstore tonight to sign copies of his highly-acclaimed first novel, Chemistry, about the tragic effects of mental illness on a budding gay relationship. Afterward, Bill Valentine will sign copies of his book, A Season of Grief, a celebration of his 21-year relationship with Joe Lopes, who was killed in a plane crash in November 2001. 7:30 p.m. 8853 Santa Monica Blvd., L.A. (310) 854-6601 or www.adlbooks.com

The Wetter the better

Get an eyeful at Thursday night’s Wet-and-Wild Shorts Contest. Winner takes home $100—and most likely a few phone numbers. Eagle L.A., 4219 Santa Monica Blvd., L.A. (323) 669-9472 or www.eaglela.com

Friday, March 30

RAWHIDE GUIDE

If you’ve been waiting for the perfect opportunity to break in that sexy leather number you bought, wait no longer. The 4th annual L.A. Leather Weekend is finally here, making its way to Silver Lake with two all-night dance parties, a rockin’ street festival and, of course, the Mr. L.A. Leather competition. Before you step out the door dressed in head-to-toe leather, make sure you know where you’re going with the following guide to the L.A. Leather Weekend:

Hell on Wheels III Leather Roller Skating Party—March 28. 8-11 p.m. $10 advance, $15 door. Moonlight Rollerway, 5110 San Fernando Rd., Glendale. www.tinyurl.com/2yjkth

Cruise Missile Hard Tribe 4.0—March 30. 9 p. m. $35 advance, $45 door. Warehouse 613, 613 Imperial St., L.A. www.streetfestla.com

Mr. L.A. Leather—March 31. 8 p.m. $25 advance, $30 door. Aratani/Japan America Theatre, 244 S. San Pedro St., L.A. www.mrlaleather.com

Grunt—March 31. 9 p.m.-4 a.m. $35 advance, $45 door. Factory, 652 N. La Peer Dr., W. Hlywd. www.streetfestla.com

LAL Streetfest—April 1. 11 a.m.-8 p.m. $15. Santa Monica Boulevard (between Hoover and Manzanita), Silver Lake. www.streetfestla.com

Black Magic

If a trip to New York to enjoy this year’s Black Party isn’t in the cards for you, then hit up MJ’s tonight for the next best thing: a viewing of Schwarzwald: Rites XXVII—A Movie You Can Dance To!, Stephen Pevner’s groundbreaking film following the sexy spring fling. 9 p.m. MJ’s, 2810 Hyperion Ave., Silver Lake. www.mjsbar.com

Extreme Makeover: Nightclub Edition

Does it feel like Mother Nature screwed you over? Don’t get mad, get even—with the help of Oasis Nightclub. Join the Inland Empire hotspot for Pumped, a brand new club night offering partygoers a chance to win a $10,000 jackpot to use to get nipped, tucked and sucked. No cover before 10 p.m. 1386 E. Foothill Blvd., Upland. www.oasis-nightclub.com

Saturday, March 31

Praisin’ in the sun

Slather on some sunscreen and join the Agape LGBT Ministry at Dockweiler Beach for some fun in the sun. At 10 a.m., the group will meet for rollerblading and biking. Afterward, there will be a potluck picnic on the sand. 10 a.m. Dockweiler State Beach, Lifeguard Station 58, 12000 Vista Del Mar, Playa del Rey. E-mail: agape.lgbt.news@gmail.com

Savor The Flava

Don your gayest apparel—beads, masks and body paint—and dash over to Oasis tonight for Carnival, an extraordinary evening of boys, toys, clowns and gowns. World-renowned drag diva, Flava, takes the stage at 1 a.m. Free before 8 p.m., $6 afterward. Oasis Nightclub, 1386 E. Foothill Blvd., Upland. www.oasis-nightclub.com

Wind it Up

So the night is starting to wind down, but you aren’t ready to turn in yet—what do you do? Head over to Ultra Suede tonight for the Reflex after-hours, which keep the party going into the wee hours of the morning. $15-25. 2:30-8 a.m. 661 N. Robertson Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.groovetickets.com

Full-Frontal Art

Things could get a little racy when L.A.-based artist Ernest Lacy returns to the Lev Moross Gallery to unveil his latest exhibition featuring tasteful male nude drawings. Drop in to check out all the fine pieces. Through April 13. 962 N. La Brea Ave., L.A. www.levmorossgallery.com

Go Commando

Whatever your feelings are about the Iraq mess, few would argue the need to support our troops. What better way than by heading over to Club Fuel’s Military Night to appreciate—and perhaps take home—a sexy sailor, hot army dude or a buff Navy seal? No cover. Every Saturday. 11608 Ventura Blvd., Studio City. www.clubfuel.us

So Effing Popular

Anybody who’s anybody will be at Popular—winner of the 2006 WeHo Award for best night club event—on Saturdays, dancing to the pop music, ogling the cute go-go boys and girls and cashing in on the half-price drink specials offered until 10:30 p.m. Free. 9 p.m.-2 a.m. Every Saturday. here lounge, 696 N. Robertson Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.tomwhitmanpresents.com

A party to relish

Head over to Club 7969 for Jumbo Hot Dog, which is plumper, juicier and meatier than ever—and you won’t even have to worry about all those nasty nitrates. Every Saturday. 9 p.m. 7969 Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hlywd. (323) 654-0280

Sunday, April 1

It takes two

Grab a stiff bevy, sidle up to the stage and prepare for the sequins and double-sided tape to fly as your favorite drag queens battle it out, two by two, for tonight’s Duets Drag Idol. 10 p.m. Oasis, 1386 E. Foothill Blvd., Upland. www.oasis-nightclub.com

Cruise Control

Lookin’ for some action? Tonight’s hot spot is MJ’s, which hosts its Cruise T-Dance on Sundays from 5-9 p.m. DJ Quinn Callicott spins the best house music as loads of liquored-up hotties hit the dance floor. After 9 p.m., DJ Rick takes over, rewinding the party back to the crazy days of disco. 2810 Hyperion Ave., Silver Lake. www.mjsbar.com

Monday, April 2

Mondays are a drag

Drop in to here lounge for Here’s Jackie!, the Monday night show featuring that sharp-tongued chanteuse Jackie Beat, who will have you rolling with her sassy shenanigans. Tonight, Jackie welcomes DJ Paul V. who will keep the party bumping. 696 N. Robertson Blvd., W. Hlywd. www.herelounge.com

Tuesday, April 3

Is this thing on?

You had ‘em rolling last week at the local Elks Lodge, and your grandma’s retirement home thinks you’re the funniest thing since Milton Berle. Kick your burgeoning comedy career up a notch tonight at Fubar’s new open mic comedy night hosted by New Orleans’ own drag diva, Beignet. $5. Every Tuesday through April 3. 8:30 p.m. Fubar, 7994 Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hlywd. (323) 654-0396

WEDNESday, April 4

Luck be two ladies tonight

Roseanne Barr is serving up the funny Vegas style with her new laugh-out-loud show, All You Can Eat Comedy, playing at the New York New York Hotel & Casino. Opening for Barr is longtime galpal, the hysterical Jackie Beat. Get your tickets today! 8 p.m. Through April 30. 3790 Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas. www.nynyhotelcasino.com