By Dana Miller

'Tis wonderful that spring has sprung and summer is upon us! I have spent every summer my entire life surfing this coast and striving to make my skin look like beef jerky. With God's will, this one will be no different. One of the perennial highlights of the season in La La Land is always APLA's Summer Party. For the second year in a row it's on the New York Streets at Paramount Studios backlot. A bunch of us started this party many years ago at the L.A. Zoo. At the time the Zoo wasn't very well lit for evening folly. Yet as our guests became more and more lit, a smattering fled to the hills behind cages and screwed like monkeys. Out of chastity we moved it for many years to the backlot of Universal Studios. Studios have screwed people for decades, but somehow we felt safer there. This year's event is set for July 23 at Paramount. You can get tickets by calling (213) 201-1439 or on-line at www.apla.org. Meanwhile, there was an odd announcement by APLA in this magazine's last issue. They are managing a program on AIDS awareness for women in India! The MAC AIDS folks are funding it. Seems like every AIDS service organization is expanding to different markets. Guess it's financial at the end of the day, but let's hope and wish and think and pray none of them forget their mission is far from accomplished here at home. While I'm on a tear, printed comments by a prominent local last week seemed to suggest drug use is down and festive cocktails and chit chat is again the in thing. What planet is she on? Rich, poor, young and old, drugs seem to be everywhere today. Went to a lovely dinner party last week with a bunch of swells. Four of our fraternity brothers either have severe bladder problems, couldn't get enough of the soft bath towels in the loo, or were bumping their brains out. I thought I would do some spring-cleaning last week and called a local hauling service that advertises in gay media. For three days the sweetest bunch of down and out misfits cleared my world of rubbish. All they openly talked about was "Tina." At the end of every day I would hand 'em the cash they earned and off they went to get high. The leader of the gaggle has even written a book on how to "manage" recreational crystal use. I'll likely skip the read and clearly his flock had yet to break the tomes cover either. Now I'm not preaching, but let's not pretend rampant drug use is a thing of the past. Positive printed assertions don't make it so.

During my spring-cleaning jag I discovered those e-Bay stores that are popping up everywhere. What a joy. Crap that had become worthless to me seemingly is worth hundreds to others. And I didn't have to lift a finger to sell the junk to Fargo or Fontana. You drop it off; they market it on e-Bay, take a cut and give you the rest. Dr. Bethany Marshall is a big believer in the "out with the old, in with the new" theory. I now subscribe as well. Especially if there is cash for my crud in the deal. I've also just discovered CraigsList on the Internet. Well, at least it's use for staffing that is. I put an ad on the service last Friday and by Monday had received over 500 resumes for a couple of entry-level positions. I would have never been blessed with even a fraction of that response from a print ad in the trades. Seems to me that soon our computers will access everything and make even more of what we've known and used for years obsolete. Guess that's the goal.

Enough with the Hiltons. Paris with her burger, hose, and Bentley is a bore. And now mother Kathy with her own reality show, The Good Life. Give me a break. Are we just dumbing down? I'll admit I may be prejudiced. One summer the bunch rented the house next to mine at the beach. Kathy, Paris, Rick, Nicky, and a treasure trove of young beauties for one summer made my little stretch of sand look like an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. But by the end of the summer, they hated both me and my dogs, made too much damn noise, (which made my dogs and me cranky) and had apparently destroyed their hot tub with sand. Be gone with you. Now they are everywhere! I don't have to watch The Good Life. And I have TiVo to take care of Paris in the drag thong. But Gay Pride? Am I missing something? Were Kato Kaelin and Anna Nicole Smith booked-up? Celebrity for just the sake of it is certainly peculiar. But this is a silly, seemingly non-deserved honor in our Pride Parade. This should not make us proud. I will personally mitigate the "honor" with a Bloody Mary. I suggest you join me.

Am I the only one tiring of seeing this Brandon Routh character dressed in his Superman garb? He is the star of our own Bryan Singer's upcoming Superman Returns big screen adventure. Seems to me some twit at the studio thinks it's a great idea to inundate the gay population with pictures of the next Man of Steel. "Gee, man in tights ... let's tease the gay market." Does that possibly work? It has been in almost every publication, (including this one) and has been sent to me on the Internet way too many times. Kinda creeps me out. He looks a tad like the late Christopher Reeve in the shots. I grew up on reruns of the original Superman TV show. It was on every day after school. George Reeves was the star, but I was never hot for him. And it wasn't just the polyester cape. I do remember thinking Jimmy Olsen was pretty cute. Come to find out years later that Jack Larson who played Jimmy was gay. Even as a child my gaydar was apparently quite sharply focused. That came in quite handy down the road, I'm pleased to report. Exactly 46 years ago this month old George Reeves blew his brains out at home up at 1579 Benedict Canyon Dr. I guess I didn't know the guy I was watching was dead. Offed himself with a simple bullet. No kryptonite involved. Would have made the plots tough to believe. Apparently I am just not a costume queen. I was never aroused by Adam West as Batman, let alone Michael Keaton. Tobey Maguire is cute, but in Armani, not the Spider-man garb.

Major congrats go out to the gang at Clear Channel's KIIS-FM. Last week they received tremendous ratings news. Ryan Seacrest and company have really taken off. Every jock's shift at the station is through the roof. They had their best ratings since 1987! (Rick Dees must be pissed!) KIIS-FM, led primarily by our staggeringly committed Jim Murphy, has been so terrific and supportive to our community. It's a delight to see friends win. I wish for you the warm glow of the sun this summer. May it be your best one yet.

Contact me at: Malibudana@aol.com

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