By Paul V.

Macaulay Culkin's testimony that Michael Jackson didn't molest him helped persuade the jury that his accuser's story couldn't be trusted. But a source in Santa Maria claims that Culkin wouldn't testify until the judge ruled that he couldn't be asked any questions about whether he was the real sperm donor for Paris Jackson, Michael's very blond, very fair-skinned daughter ... Meanwhile, Michael's less controversial sibling, Janet Jackson, was in no mood for jokes when she got a cheeky introduction from actor Alan Cumming as she received a humanitarian award from the Human Rights Campaign. "I'm going to leave the jokes to the late-night comics, if that's OK." Jackson was honored for the mega-money she's both raised and donated to AMFAR and the Elton John AIDS Foundation. Jackson told the crowd, "Acceptance is right. Kindness is right. Love is right. I pray, right now, that we're moving into a kinder time when prejudice is overcome by understanding; when the pain of judgmentalism is replaced by the purity of love." Nice one, Janet ... Be sure to check out Patti LaBelle's new effort, Classic Moments, which is an all-covers CD featuring duets with Mary J. Blige and Elton John ... Henry Rollins will hit the road this summer with his "25 Years Of Bulls***" tour. IFC, who backs his Henry's Film Corner show, will sponsor the three-month trek. The rocker-turned-spoken word artist will provide commentary on politics, pop culture, and his favorite stories from 25 years of touring. Rollins also has roles in the upcoming flicks The Alibi and Feast on the horizon ... Peta2.com has recently launched a poll to determine which musician is the "World's Sexiest Vegetarian," with categories separated into men and women. Among the most-recognizable rocker dudes you can vote for are: Anthony Kiedis, Chris Martin, Damon Albarn, Eddie Vedder, Larry Mullen Jr., Mike Dirnt, Moby, Morrissey, Perry Farrell, Thom Yorke. Vegan rocker chicks include: Chrissie Hynde, Fiona Apple, and Joan Jett. Visit www.peta2.com/outthere to place your vote ... And finally, don't miss the drugged-up ghetto reality lifestyle known as Bravo's Being Bobby Brown. One episode has Bobby describing how he helped wife Whitney Houston with her constipation, by inserting his fingers "up there" to massage it out. Whitney says, "When I told my girlfriends about it, they said 'That's real love, baby. That's real black love.'" Bobby then holds up four fingers and wiggles them in front of the camera. Strike one up for whack my crack proctology everywhere.