Celebrity Gossip

By Billy Masters

"It's such a great cause. It just makes you realize how fortunate we are. I want to get more involved in this cause, so I'm going to read all the newspapers while I'm in Athens planning my wedding."

-- Paris Hilton discovers starvation in Africa and will learn about it while planning her $2,500-a-plate wedding as she cruises on a private yacht in the Aegean.

I just came back from seeing the biggest piece of trash in decades -- War of the Worlds. I actually feel violated. I'm willing to blame the rushed schedule for Spielberg's inability to end the flick even remotely plausibly. But this movie proves the theory that the more we know about actors, the harder it is for them to disappear into their roles. I couldn't look at Tom Cruise without thinking, "This guy is a wacko." And speaking of wacko, was I the only one who thought of Jacko and Lisa Marie during Tom and Katie's awkward kisses on The View? That little twit is up a creek without a paddle -- but not without a contract and a check, from what I hear.

Rumors continue to circulate about Cruise and numerous men -- although I'm convinced that he's never slept with anyone (male or female). All of these recent same-sex stories are eerily similar -- only the partner changes. The generic version is that Tom was in bed with another guy and they were caught by the paramour's wife, who threatened to go public. That's the reason he's been desperate for some positive publicity in the hetero romantic liaison department. In one story, the other guy is identified as a pro-football player. In another, he's an Asian pilot for a major airline. In another, he's singer Rob Thomas (whose wife probably would have screeched "Dios Mios" and dropped dead of shock). I've now decided that Rob Thomas is a helluva guy. When asked during a radio interview about the rumor, Robbie denied it (of course) and added that the story offends him -- not because he's linked with a man, but because the man is a Scientologist! I mean, is that not the best thing you've heard all week?Ê Rob went on to say that if he was gay, the guy at the top of his list would be Brad Pitt -- who'd be on top of most of my readers (their lists, I mean).

Do you remember Rob Estes and Josie Bissett from Melrose Place? She was the little blonde who was married to the sleazy doctor and had the psycho sister. And he was in and out of Heather Locklear's bed (on the set, I mean). And Rob never took his shirt off during love scenes because he was born with only one pectoral muscle. Did you know that? I haven't examined Rob up close, but that's the rumor. No matter how much he works out, only one side pumps up. Allegedly, his shirts were padded to "even" him out, although by now, he may have gotten a pec implant to fix this problem. But that has nothing to do with the current gossip about the real-life married couple. Several of my reliable sources tell me that Rob and Josie are kaput. That's not the shocking part. Allegedly, Josie left Rob -- for another woman! But it's just a rumor...right?

Someone whose breasts are, I believe, the same size is Jenny McCarthy -- and she's ready to show 'em on film. Isn't it interesting that an "actress" (I love her, but I still have to put "actress" in quotes) who made a name for herself by posing naked in Playboy a dozen times has always had a "no nudity" clause in her film contracts? Since the offers aren't coming in like they used to, she's suddenly ready to bare all in her new movie, Dirty Love. Since she lost over 80 pounds post-pregnancy, Jenn was proud of her physique and figured some nudity in the film, which also stars Carmen Electra, would help the foreign sales (I'm sure it'll go direct-to-video domestically). Maybe she has a piece of the gross.

We often refer to our lady-loving sisters as "Sapphic" -- an homage to poetess Sappho from the isle of Lesbos. This past week, the London Times Literary Supplement published a recently discovered 12-line poem by the ancient scribe that was found wrapped around an Egyptian mummy. In a Filth2Go exclusive, we bring you a very loose translation of the first two lines: "There once was a young girl from Greece/Who did unspeakable things with her geese..."

The closer we get to the release of Brokeback Mountain, the more vociferous critics are regarding stars Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger. I've already reported that although Heath does his own nude scenes (and we have the full-frontal shots to prove it), Jake opted for a stunt double. Now comes what Jake probably thought was a nice shirtless photo of him at the beach, but it has caused quite a stir on the Web. Why? Because the hot and buff Jake is walking around in a pair of shorts that leave little to the imagination -- especially to the imagination of the Filth2Go members. You'll have to check it out for yourself.

I've publicly dismissed VH-1's Strip Search as junk. But like Bravo's Manhunt last season, any time hot guys are willing to go on TV semi-naked, they've probably had some experience showing skin in public or on camera. We already revealed sexy Sean's past as a stripper (who can still be hired by the hour). Now we find out that David has extensive experience as an erotic dancer -- in gay bars! Prior to the show, he worked as "Tristan" at a gay club called "Maleboxx" in Dallas. The boys there don't dance naked, but they do get themselves to "full attention" and "tie-off" before putting on very tight, very see-through undies. What that means is that you can clearly see the outline of David's fully erect penis in the photos now on Filth2Go.com.

This week, Kirk in Houston writes to "Ask Billy" about one of my favorite people: "You were a hoot hosting the Bad Boys Pool Party. And you are absolutely right -- Paul Lekakis was even more gorgeous than I remembered. Has he ever done porn? He sure looks like he should."

Once again, I am the funny one, and Paul is the one who should do porn -- not the other way around. Be that as it may, Paul has never appeared in a porn video (but I have). He has, however, done his fair share of nude modeling. In the '80s, Paul appeared in a Playgirl pictorial as a sexy, nude, vampire (note how we've tied this whole column together). A series of more recent photos has surfaced with Paul naked in and around a pool. I have no idea where these photos originated or if they were published. You'd think I'd just pick up the phone and ask Paul, but the important thing is that every inch of LeCock can be seen on Filth2Go.com.

When I can deliver gossip, a gay short film, and lesbian poetry, it's definitely time for me to end yet another column. I did have a blind item all ready for you, but we ran over...again! Maybe next week I'll fit it in. One thing I can always fit in is answering fan mail. Whether you want a public or private response, send your e-mails to me at Billy@filth2go.com and I promise to get back to you before Jenn and Rob compare implants! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.