By Hon. John Duran

Next year we will face a constitutional amendment on the June 2006 ballot. This initiative will not only forever ban marriage equality in California. The initiative will also repeal the domestic partnership laws currently in place.

As a community, as a family, we have learned many difficult lessons over the years through incredible loss, separation from loved ones, and tragedy.

In 1984, the city of West Hollywood became the first city in the United States to pass a domestic partnership law. Over the years, other cities followed suit. And just recently, statewide domestic partnership ordinances were enacted because of the heroic efforts of Equality California and Carole Migden and Jackie Goldberg. Assembly Bill 205 was signed by former Gov. Gray Davis after almost 20 years of struggle.

Some of my straight and gay allies wonder -- why is marriage so important? It's just a wedding cake, a bridal gown and a few rented tuxedos with a party afterwards. No big deal.

Would you walk in my shoes for a moment?

My friend Jim told me about a recent skiing trip where his longterm partner was injured so badly on the ski slopes that he had to be helicoptered out of the mountains down to a hospital in San Bernardino County. For 45 minutes, as he was speeding dangerously down the curved road heading to the hospital, what was the question on his mind? We're in San Bernardino. What if they don't recognize our relationship? What if emergency procedures are necessary? How will I convince the hospital administrator that this is my longterm partner? That I am the one person in the world that shares his life and loves him more deeply than any one else? What if I can't get into the ER? What if I can't hold his hand? What if they won't let me see him? Worse yet, what if he doesn't see that I am there with him? What will I do? What will I do?

To a married couple, I ask: Would those have been your thoughts? Or instead would your thoughts been of prayers to God to intervene and heal? To please not let the injuries be serious. Would it ever have crossed your mind that you would be separated, isolated and unable to see your spouse, hold his or her hand, or be allowed to speak to the doctor? That is why marriage matters.

Juanita and Nancy had been together for over 20 years. They were raising three daughters from a previous marriage. The three daughters only knew their two mothers. There was no relationship with the abusive father. Nancy was in a car accident and was killed. Suddenly, the parents of the father rushed in. They disapproved of Juanita and Nancy's relationship. They took the three girls, who did not know these grandparents. Not only were the children grieving the death of Nancy, but the last remaining pillar of support that they knew -- their mother Juanita -- was kept away from them. They were with strangers and not their mother.

To a married couple, I ask: If you were told you might be killed in a car accident, would you wonder what would happen to your children? Would you want your spouse to be removed from the children at a time when your spouse is needed the most? That is why marriage matters.

AIDS taught us some very painful lessons about dying, death and how surviving families cope after death. Men who shared lives, homes, incomes, family vacations, photo albums, circles of friends, favorite restaurants and movies were separated by the unfeeling virus that warped our bodies, diminished our minds and left behind survivors. At a time of deep vulnerability -- the loss of a lover -- to suddenly find out that an unknown relative is swooping in to take furniture, belongings, automobiles and even the home you live in.

To a married couple, I ask: Imagine if your loved one died and left you behind to grieve and mourn, would you ever stop to think how it would feel if you were also evicted from your home and had your photo albums taken away?

And to make matters even worse, perhaps that unknown relative takes away the last shred of dignity -- the decision on whether to bury or cremate your loved one, what type of service it would be and how the arrangements occur.

To a married couple, I ask: Did you ever think that you would be excluded from the memorial service and funeral and not even told where your loved one would be buried -- and that such utter cruelty would be done under the guise of religious conviction? That is why marriage matters.

Fundamentalists in 18 states have passed constitutional amendments to uphold cruelty rather than morality. And now they are seeking the biggest prize in the nation -- the state of California. If they can win California, they can win everywhere. That is why we are at a critical juncture. This is where we draw the line in the sand and say:

You have taken Oklahoma and Kansas, Arkansas and Mississippi. You have taken Ohio and Oregon, Idaho and Utah. But you will not take California. This is our sanctuary, where we find peace and shelter. We will stop you, turn you back and send a message to our brothers and sisters in New York, Illinois, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, Maine, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania, telling them to stay the course and steady the boat. We shall turn this travesty around and prevent any further cruelty, inhumanity and injustice.

You will not pass this uncharitable act and call it Christian.

You will not pass this inequity and call it American.

You will not pass this travesty and call it righteous.

We stand in your way. We block your path. We turn you back.

The Hon. John Duran is a West Hollywood City Councilmember and President of the Board of Equality California.