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 Dear Jackie,
What do you make of this Gaza pullout? I've been consumed
with the task of processing the event in order to take
the proper side. It's all so confusing and steeped in
history. I'm counting on your superior intelligence to
tell me who I should get behind.
Signed,
Jackie Can You Hear Me in L.A.
PS: You killed at the Gay Erotic Expo ... and didn't even
stoop to expose your cooter! Dear Hear Me,
Having just hosted the Gay Erotic Expo as you mentioned,
the only Gaza pullout I'm interested in is the
one I saw in a bareback DVD starring hunky Israeli soldiers
and Palestinian studs. Kidding. But seriously, that Expo
was off the hook! I swear, if I see one more huge cock
in my face... Huh? Oh yeah, world affairs. I agree that
this glorified turf war is tres confusing and it may
seem very unlike the politically passionate moi, but
I honestly DO NOT GIVE A RAT'S ASS! Fucking grow
up, people. It's just land. Look, there's
more of it right over there. Knock yourself out.
I am so sick of religion I could barf. It is the one thing
that continuously fucks up everything. If it ain't
backwards fundamentalist Christians bombing abortion clinics
or picketing gay weddings and/or funerals, then it's
Islamic jihadists flying planes into skyscrapers and/or
bombing subways. If it ain't Catholics judging everyone
while their revered, jewel-encrusted leaders screw little
boys, then it's satanists killing adorable little
fluffy orange kittens with big beautiful blue eyes that
seem to beg, "Please don't kill me, you Hot
Topic discount card-carryin' satanist!" If
it ain't Madonna or Gwyneth or Demi or Ashton walking
around wearing $1,500 bracelets made of cheap red kite
string and drinking tap water touted as Moses' bathwater,
then it's Miss Cruise or Miss Travolta telling people
that there's no such thing as mental illness and
that a dead science fiction writer has it all figured out.
Yeah, right. You stupid fucks can't even find your
way out of a goddamn closet, let alone to a higher conciousness.
Yes, I'm bitter. Because while freedom of religion
sounds great, a lot of so-called religious people would
like to see you DEAD! The reasons are many: You are an
American, you are gay, you are a woman. Understand that
I am at least two of these at any particular moment! While
they hide behind the banner of freedom of religion, the
bullshit in which they believe is rigid and strict and
does not allow for your particular freedom. Love the sinner,
hate the sin. Kiss my gay ass, moron. I don't need
you to love me, just stop trying to fucking kill me! Deal?
I have noticed that a person's general level of
happiness is directly based on their ability to deal with
reality, no matter how ugly that reality may seem. Once
a person lets go and accepts that not everyone is going
to think or act just like him, he can focus on living his
life and be relatively happy. When you stop trying to regulate
everyone else's behavior or, even worse, teach them
a lesson, you can enjoy life for what it is -- a simple
and beautiful little chunk of time on this flawed but wonderful
planet. And accepting that there may be nothing after this
life can actually be very liberating. "Hmmm, this
is it?" Suddenly, what is important becomes clear.
And all that is important is love -- whether it be
for your husband, your wife, your kids, your parents, your
siblings, your friends. or your adorable little fluffy
orange kitten with big beautiful blue eyes. Personally,
I'm a dog person. I love my dirty little poop-makin'?
machines named Baby and Lil Sister. They are my family.
So to all the religious zealouts out there, I have this
to say: Stop worrying about getting into heaven and maybe
this life -- this world -- wouldn't be such hell.
Photos by Mario Diaz
Do you have a question for Little Miss Know-It-All?
Send an e-mail to NotSoNiceAdvice@aol.com. Until next
weekÉstay gay, OK? For more Jackie Beat visit
www.jackiebeatrules.com
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