Celebrity Gossip

By Billy Masters

"Twelve-and-a-half candles, baby. And two really big M&Ms."

-- John Barrowman brags about the size of his "equipment" in Attitude magazine. He explained how he once cut a birthday cake with his penis, and then the interviewer followed up by asking how many "candles" he has. Of course, this information comes as no surprise to Filth2Go fans who have repeatedly viewed that photo of Johnny's semi-erect penis in a hamburger bun (which we'll run again).

I've waited a month, but I can no longer keep silent. Am I the only one who is totally disgusted with the new TV Guide? Where is the "Guide" part? There are no listings, I don't know where any of these channels are, the TV Plus numbers are gone, and I hate reading a grid! If I wanted Us or In Style or People, I'd buy them! Now, I'm not stupid. I realize that the additional content and larger size will bring in exponentially more money in advertising revenue. And I realize that jettisoning the regional issues makes for cheaper costs. But the whole point of the magazine is completely gone. Can I cancel my subscription? Can I get a refund? I am PISSED OFF!

Vincent Gallo is hoping there is a market for his semen -- which is interesting, since most people don't even know who he is. The actor (and I'm using that term loosely) has announced that he is willing to sell his man milk for $1 million (which would be about 10 times what he gets for film roles). This hefty price tag is for in vitro fertilization. For $1.5 million, Gallo will attempt to inseminate you "the old fashioned way" (which I assume means he'll bring a porno video and a six pack). Lest you think Vinny is indiscriminate with his sperm, he has stated that the offer is not open to "those of extremely dark complexions" (which means Brandy is out of luck). And he'll give a $50,000 discount to any woman who is blond, blue-eyed, or "related to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century." So, if your last name is Braun or Goebbels, you're in luck!

The powers that be at Abercrombie and Fitch are looking for a few good men. Sexy studs are nothing new for the trendy trademark, but these boys are being employed to welcome customers to the store. Last year, several A&F boutiques hired half-naked youths as "greeters" during the holiday season. For some reason, people flocked through doors where hot shirtless guys were standing. This year, "greeters" will be situated throughout the chain. Perfect for those last-minute stocking stuffers.

Rod Stewart learned that you don't screw with Dina Merrill. The Post heiress happens to be the current owner of the now-dormant RKO Pictures, and she took umbrage when she saw that Rod's new CD sports an image similar to the old RKO logo (which was a radio tower with the letters RKO -- except Stewart's version says ROD). Are ya crazy, Rod? Dina makes that Heinz lady look like a pauper! ... Ketchup comes and goes, but everyone eats cereal. She can buy and sell all of us!

The Ravinia Festival in Chicago has confirmed what was reported in this column eons ago -- Patti LuPone will play Mama Rose in a semi-staged presentation of Gypsy this summer. For the past five years, LuPone has starred in Ravinia presentations of Stephen Sondheim musicals. This latest installment continues that trend, since Sondheim wrote the lyrics for Gypsy. Patti has been dying to play this role, but she'd assumed it would never happen due to her long-running feud with Arthur Laurents (who wrote the book for the musical and has casting approval for all Broadway productions). But Artie has no say over casting in Chicago!

This week's "Ask Billy" questions are exactly what you'd expect from my fans. Larry in Boulder, Colo., wrote: "You've mentioned lots of new TV shows, but are you watching Bones? David Boreanez is great, but last week there was a character named Charlie who was a stunning blond guy. Who is he?"

I don't watch Bones -- I'm two seasons behind on Charmed, so I am loathe to add yet another hour-long drama to my weekly schedule. As to the blond in question, that would be the scrumptious Rusty Joiner. You may recognize him from any number of modeling gigs, underwear ads, and fitness magazines. In the past year or so, Rusty has gotten some acting gigs -- including this Bones episode and a brief appearance in the film Dodgeball. Folks in West Hollywood know him from his shirtless bartending shifts at hot spot i candy (which means he was probably in that show Open Bar, which I haven't seen). For more sizzling skin shots of Rusty, join Filth2Go.com, where we'll feature as much of him as the lawyers will allow.

Richard here in West Hollywood was the first of many fans to write: "Billy, have you heard the rumors about Enrique Iglesias having a small penis? Is it true?"

I read that story but, since no one cited a source, dismissed it. However, because so many of you wrote in, I dug further and tracked down where it originated. Enrique was promoting his cologne, True Star, at the Houston Galleria (where I once got lucky, but that's another story). He allegedly spoke to the Houston Press and said, "The next product I'm gonna put my name on is extra-small condoms. I can never find extra-small condoms, and I know it's really embarrassing for people -- you know, from experience." Now, when others have repeated this quote, they have skipped a very important part -- the Houston Press describes Enrique's tone as "mock-serious" and "deadpan," which leads me to believe he's just pulling our...leg.

Many readers have e-mailed me about hereTV's series, Dante's Cove. I'm told that in the first episode, William Gregory Lee and Jourdain Dion were naked, with Jourdain sporting an impressive erection. Everyone has asked me for a closer look. I may not have seen the show, but I've got the photos! Check 'em out at Filth2Go.com.

Could it be that Kevin Spacey is into glory holes? Kinda. The actor, who now runs the Old Vic in London, has been feeling nervous about meeting overzealous fans (the fact that he has any makes me very nervous). To thwart any potential wackos, Kevin has installed a glory hole ... er, an "autograph flap" in the stage door. The way it works is that Kevin stands on one side of the hole while fans shove their goods through. If he's so inclined, Spacey whips out his pens and obliges the fans. If you want Spacey to service you, be at the hole from 10:30 p.m. until 10:45 p.m. Why such a limited schedule? So many holes, so little time.

Could it be that a certain big-screen heartthrob has been throbbing all by his lonesome? So say sources close to the wild man, who tell me that he's never been lucky in love -- with either sex. That's lots of lonely knights. How does he spell relief? D-I-L-D-O. That's how. Hopefully, he won't get a splinter.

When have room for Eva Braun, Dina Merrill, and a blind item, it's definitely time to end yet another column. In some sad news, this past week, we lost the sensational Sheree North (our younger friends will remember her as Kramer's mom on Seinfeld or Blanche's sister on The Golden Girls). I had the pleasure of meeting Sheree several times and got to see her in her last stage production -- The Glass Menagerie (with the sexy Thomas Jane). What a dear, sweet, and talented lady. Of course, those words could also be used for Michael Musto -- who just celebrated 20 years of writing his enormously popular column for the Village Voice! Congrats, honey. If any of you have any questions, feel free to write to me atBilly@filth2go.com and I promise to get back to you before Spacey and Gallo hook up! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.