By Dana Miller

The parade marches on here in the Southland. Sad to see the Robinsons-May store at 9900 Wilshire in Beverly Hills is closing after 53 years. I'm only saddened for the structure, not the retail element. I haven't been in the damn place for years. They are taking the eight-acre site and building condos and some new retail thang. The last few years it was looking a little tired, but, hell, who isn't? Back in its glory days it was a showplace with travertine from Peru, rose marble from Portugal, black granite from Brazil, and rosewood from Madagascar, (they all sound like great drag names). I grew up here. I remember Henshey's, Ivars, Buffums, I Magnin, J Magnin, and on and on. So many of the great department stores are gone. It's all about joints like The Grove now. I'm not upset by it all. It's just an observation. Big wheel keeps on turning.

I was saddened to hear of the passing last week in New York of Bob Tisch. He was a classy, accomplished gent who together with his late brother Larry created quite a financial dynasty that included the Loews Corporation, the New York Giants, and Bulova Watches. Bob was a titan of business, a self-made billionaire who once served his country as postmaster general. But his most stunning accomplishment was, along with his wonderful wife Joan, raising amazing, caring, and generous kids, Jonathan, Steve, and Laurie. Bob and Joan instilled a stellar conscience of philanthropy in their next generation. Their son Steve has blessed our own community here time and time again. He was for a time the tireless board chair of AIDS Project Los Angeles. Steve mightily maneuvered his way in the early '90s through the infighting of the AIDS community and a political scene that had yet to truly care, all the while producing a little film called Forrest Gump. His name opened doors, but his humor and passion got things done. He always cracked me up. He tapped me as his successor at APLA and he and I went through hell a few times, but he always laughed. Steve was arguably the best board chair in APLA's history and we have Bob and Joan to thank for that. However you pray, say one for Bob and the entire Tisch family in their time of loss.

Did you see that a little Texas town of 125 people and 55 homes has changed its name from Clark, Texas, to Dish, Texas, so they can get free satellite TV for the next 10 years? So now we have Dish, Texas, Intercourse, Pa., and Truth or Consequences, N.M. So I think if West Hollywood ever gets in a bind and can't make budget off all the parking tickets, I suggest we sell out and become Lube, Calif. Just a thought.

Last week Entertainment Tonight ran these interviews with convicted murderer Erik Menendez and his wife Tammi -- he on the phone from Pleasant Valley State Prison up north and she on set. It's all to promote her book, They Said We'd Never Make It. Pretty title for a ghastly relationship. Lord, how sick are we as a society if we buy it? Erik and his brother Lyle blew their parents heads off with shotguns back in August of 1989 at their home at 722 North Elm in Beverly Hills. Jose and Kitty Menendez were friends of mine. He was a bully in business and she was a drunk in life, but neither deserved to go the way they did. Erik, who I believe was and is gay, said that for years Jose diddled him. Who the hell knows? When the police found gay porn in Erik's room, he said the former tenant Elton John must have left it behind. Yeah, right. I can honestly tell you Kitty never hurt anything except a bottle of scotch. The first shot from a 12-gauge shotgun hit Jose in the back of the head while watching TV and eating strawberries and cream. That baby killed him immediately. Did they stop? No. Two more shots, tearing open both arms. Kitty had it a hell of a lot worse. She got up and tried to flee. She had to run from her own sons!! One shot hit her calf, and one fractured her arm. She hit the floor. Crawled up again to be greeted with another and another ... yuck! Left thigh, right arm, and left breast. So many shots were fired that they ran out of ammunition, but Kitty wasn't dead yet. So it was back to the car for more cartridges. This time they used birdshot. One of them went back in, put the gun up to Mom's cheek, and fired. A total of 10 wounds ripped through her.

These boyz blew their Mom's head off! Star-struck Tammi sees Erik on TV during one of his trials and begins writing him. She understands his pain! I'll show the schmuck real pain. Please. Long story short they fall in love and are married after he is incarcerated for life. There are not now, nor never will be conjugal visits. What is she thinking? She marries a cold-blooded killer of his Mom and Dad, can never get boned by him and now writes a book about their love! So there's ole Mary Hart battin' those lashes as she helps the world come to understand the modern day true tale of love from Tammy and Erik. This is a totally whacked out world we are in.

The other day for a hoot we went on the three-hour "Dearly Departed Tour" in the "tomb buggy." This is a fun awesome tour of our hood given by the guy who once ran Grave Line Tours and operates the Web site, Findadeath.com. His name is Scott Michaels and you have gotta check it out. ... Scott's head is filled with the most morbid and grotesque facts of death in Hollywood. He takes you everywhere; from sad sites of Marilyn Monroe, Charlie Manson, River Phoenix, and Bela Lugosi. Scott just has wonderful stories. He showed us the Nightmare on Elm Street house just off Sunset and, in an eerie moment, drove by the real nightmare on Elm Street house where Lyle and Erik offed Jose and Kitty. I totally recommend this flight into fright.

Went to a wonderful housewarming the other evening in Hancock Park at a marvelous compound completely renovated by my pal Wes Walraven. Wes is a successful finance guy who a few years ago I tricked into joining the board of AIDS Project Los Angeles. For a time he moved out to Malibu to lead a very young man of means proper life, but now he's back and his friends are thrilled. I ran into two country music stars at Wes' party. Both are less successful than they once were, but both are extremely talented. I actively pitched them both to come out of the closet. For one, my campaign is three years running. I sprung the concept on the other at the party. Having spent way too much of my life in Nashville and in country radio, I know so very well that it is one of the last solid bastions of total discrimination in entertainment. A successful and talented county music star coming out of the closet would be huge news. I think the bookings would be enormous and though the record community would turn it's back, marketing a good country record directly at our community would insure solid sales. Whoever does this first will enjoy tremendous success while breaking down a tired old redneck wall. Hell, a girl can dream can't she?

Did you see the outrageous advert in the Times for a cashmere crystal crown and skull intarsia sweater? Damn thing is available at Barney's for 2,700 bucks. You can only wear it once because it is so damned gaudy and over the top. Just banal and silly. I swear I would laugh in the face of the sucker who is conned into buying that yarn.

The bar scene is changing yet again in West Hollywood. Even with great fanfare, it's own reality show, and a complete and total redo from head to toe, apparently iCandy at 7929 Santa Monica Blvd. is already on the market. Too damn bad for Tyler Robuck, his gang, and all those investors we met on the Logo Channel's making-of-a-bar show. I do hope it stays gay and remains a bar. I quite like the joint.

The 10th annual Toy Box Party is set for Sunday, Dec. 11 at the latest invention of legendary chef, Joachim Splichal and his Patina Group. The restaurant won't officially open until January so this is a fun way to preview what will be a very hot space. It's called Eat on Sunset, and it's on the corner of Sunset and Gower. ... If you have never been to our Toy Box Party, please join us. The Eat on Sunset folks are generously donating the location and the great folks at KIIS FM radio are totally underwriting the party. The price of admission is simply an unwrapped toy. APLA and Aid For AIDS distribute these toys to kids whose lives are affected by HIV and AIDS. Please come by, bring a toy, meet some new folks and help make a difference in the quality of someone's life. Check out the ad in this issue. I'll buy ya a drink!

Contact me at: Malibudana@aol.com.

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