By J. Corbett Holmes

Entertaining thoughts -- the gay guy's guide to good holiday queer

As we all know, there's something special about celebrating with old friends (as well as our new definitions of family) around the holidays. But if you're like me, when planning a party or trying to add some glitter to a gathering, fabulous can easily turn into the fright before Christmas! So ... I'm here to help with that heavenly holiday happening sans the headache. To throw the perfect party, while easily adding that touch of gay display and let it go, let it go, let it go!

It came upon a midnight queer

To get right into the scheme it helps to start with a theme! By doing this you'll help set the stage for a supreme social soiree. Pick a time of day that works for you -- if you're a morning person, have a coffee party. If you like a certain color, use it. If you want everyone to come in drag, drag it into your plan. The most successful holiday parties I've thrown, I've asked my guests to dress up. It elevates their party mood before they even arrive!

And too all a good e-vite

Make a list and double click! With the infusion of the Internet, there are numerous ways to eliminate tedious buying, writing, addressing, licking and stamping of party invitations. I know, I know -- it's a little cyber/techie, but with cyber sources like evite, you can send your party or event invitations online. Create your guest list and personalize your invitation all from a single page.

Oh, come on, all ye faithful

To better gauge how many guests will deck your halls, make sure to require an RSVP. Ask that your guests get back to you by a certain date. That will help "e-levate" any pre-party paranoia. This too can be managed with your evite.

Deck the halls with wows and follies

Branch out to your backyard or wander the neighborhood and trim a few trees. Bring home an arm full of forest-like finds, and at the same time you'll be inviting your neighbors into your home. If this is not an option, hit the local flower mart the day before. You can get everything you need all in one place. Make it even easier -- call 1-800-FLOWERS and just have something delivered. Use any big glass bowls or vases and fill them with colored glass bulbs. Remember to tie it into your theme.

Star light, star right

It's important to try and lighten up around your holiday house! Strands of white (or colored) Christmas tree lights will make your house glow all over. This is a great place to build on your theme. Float candles in the bathtub or pool, up a flight of stairs -- the more the better. Use inexpensive highball glasses and do clusters around the house. Places like Ikea are great and affordable for this sort of thing. Change your lamp-light bulbs to colored (Philips has great ones) to create a festive glow and this will tie nicely into your color theme.

Imitation wonderland

There are some things you never want to fake with your guests -- like an orgasm. And there are others that go virtually unnoticed in day-to-day West Hollywood life -- like a spray tan. So during the holidays having a fake tree will avoid months of endless needling, and you can enjoy it over and over again like an orgasm. You can buy it ahead of time and set it up. You'll have more time to focus on the party.

Free to be with your Christmas tree

Staying trim always works, even with your Christmas tree. Light up and get a little strung out, then sit back and enjoy what comes. Make the gathering a tree trimming party, and have each of your friends bring an ornament. For those of you who get all Martha with your tree, and have to have color themes, this is not for you. But for a freer, easier way to get your tree trimmed, this is a flawless solution. Besides, if it gets all mish-mash that means you have a good, diverse group of friends.

We dish you a Merry Christmas

The purpose of a gathering is to be part of the group. Don't get stuck catering to your party guests all night. Order it. Most local grocery stores do party platters. To make it even easier, tie it into your theme. Don't make the mistake of serving too much cheese, or heavy, hard-to-handle food like chili. To keep everyone "light on their toes" serve things that are easy to manage like veggie platters. Have simple things like a fondue dish filled with chocolate. Pile bowls of banana bread and fruit around the fondue dish -- it makes a sweet place to connect a few sugar-plump-fairies.

Santa Bar-baby

Bar none, without copious amounts of liquor you'll put "de-part" into your party. Have as much as possible! Make one big special thing beforehand like spiked eggnog and let your guests shake and stir around the bar on their own. For those of you with more cash to spend, hire a cute MAW (model-actor-waiter) to "man" the bar. Require he tend topless, and throw a Santa hat on him so your guests can get their jollies. Later, when they're all toasted, have him cart a bag of presents around the room, handing them out to all your guests. Additionally, as he has been "manning" the bar, he'll know who will be after "lap time" when passing out the prezzies. Most local liquor stores deliver, so once you know what you need, just call and have it delivered.

Let it throw, let it throw, let it throw ... away

Facing all that unpleasant clean up at the end of your party is enough to crack your nuts. Plastic cups, plates, and utensils are just the trick at tinsel time. Anyone who turns up his or her nose has probably had it done. Remind them that, although the cups are plastic, you're responsible for keeping theirs half full. All this will be easiest if you buy it in one place. So try your local party store, or a large all-in-one store like Target, where you can pull all sorts of things for your theme from different parts of the store.

Silent Fright

Aside from a barren bar, the sound of silence is the kiss of death for any gathering. Not only will your guests avoid the mistletoe, they will be prone to shun each other. The flow of music will help the flow of your friends. To get on track, make a play for your iPod and create various moods throughout the night. Get the ball rolling with smooth, easy welcoming jazz or mellow, sexy, lounge music. After enough people have arrived, kick it into phase two with some festive updated holiday classics. And when the party is in full swing, play that last slice of high-energy music you and your friends have all danced to -- a musical memory maker from the times you've spent together during the year.

... and a parked car with a valet key

Glory to the valet guy. If you live in one of those fancy houses up in the hills -- be a valet-gay! There is nothing worse than a two-mile trek to the door to kill any cheery holiday mood! For those who live in a place where parking poses a problem, get a ton of parking passes the day before and keep them in a bucket by the door so your guests can run up and grab one. This will help guests leave their driving drama at the curb.

Polaroid rage

Having a Polaroid camera set and ready adds a snappy touch to every gathering. As your guests arrive, have them shoot the shit and stick it on a wall near the door. It's a great way to avoid having to drag your camera around the room, and it's an excellent way to loosen up their mood as soon as they get in the door. Start with a shot of yourself and let them get with the picture. After the party is over, you can buy some cool frames and give them back as presents.

Mistletoe-Ho

You'll be hedging your holiday bets without a little sprig of this shrub. It's the perfect plant to help plant one on that friend you've lusted after all year. If you were tongue tied every time you saw him, now is your chance for missed opportunities under the mistletoe. This is another great way to infuse a little flirtatious fun into your party -- without worrying about icy behavior.

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa cause

Miracles come from a happy homo, not 34th Street! Your gathering is the perfect place to stage a holiday collection for those less fortunate. While all your friends are in one place, and they are sufficiently stuffed and languid from liquor -- do a little sweet charity number on them. No, that doesn't mean getting all "Bob Fosse" or helping your down-on-his-luck friend get laid! Stage a toast to your old friends and the New Year. In the process talk about your chosen charity then pass around a gift bag, or leave a bucket by the door with information about the charity attached. It's the ideal way to give back to the community without all the nagging phone calls to your friends. Additionally, you could theme your party around your charity; add that into your evite so your guests can bring a donation along.

Hopefully these homo-holiday hints will help you avoid the headaches of entertaining and quickly get to it's-a-wonderful-life of the party!