Celebrity Gossip

By Billy Masters

"Yeah, you hold onto that."

-- Woody Allen's response to Scarlett Johansson at the Match Point premiere after she responded to a compliment from the talented auteur by saying, "Wow, Woody, that's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

You know the holiday season is in full swing when the Trevor Project puts on its annual "Cracked Xmas" show. This splashy soirée is an annual fund-raiser for the organization that runs the only nationwide. toll-free, 24/7 suicide hotline for gay and questioning teens. Celebs love working with Trevor, and the event is routinely sold out shortly after tickets go on sale (which might explain why I was supposed to be in the balcony). A record $400,000 was raised this year!

Kicking things off was a 20-minute set from The Bangles, and as far as I'm concerned, anything that happened after that was icing on the cake. I love my Bangles, and they were in great form (new bassist Abby Travis fit in seamlessly). The show ended with another favorite -- Deborah Cox! Deb gave a tantalizing glimpse of her upcoming New Year's Eve concert at the Hollywood Palladium -- which the hunky Manny Lehman is DJing (for more info, check out www.NewYearsLA.com).

In between those musical bookends, the Trevor Project honored Marc Cherry, which meant all of the Desperate Housewives were on hand -- well, all except for Teri Hatcher, who clearly had something better to do. Cherry presented scenes from the pilot of DH that didn't make it past the censors, and he used the men of Wisteria Lane (Mark Moses, Doug Savant, James Denton, and Ricardo Chavira) alongside drag queens playing the "housewives." Things started promisingly with a gay kiss between Savant and Moses during a camping trip on Brokeback Mountain. That was topped by a passionate kiss between Ricardo and Que Sadilla playing "Gabrielle" (Chavira was hesitant, until Cherry said, "I've got four words for you -- Esai Morales is available"). However, it was the entrance of Willam Belli (from Nip/Tuck) in perfect Nicollette Sheridan guise on rollerskates that brought down the house, with Nicollette herself starting the ovation.

Members of the gay community were out in full force. The irrepressible Momma did red carpet interviews while hunky Ben Patrick Johnson put his oral talents to good use as the show's announcer. Judy Gold and Caroline Rhea provided loads of laughs, and Jennifer Coolidge, Deborah Wilson, and Carson Kressley raised lotsa dough during the auction. Meanwhile, I was busy chatting up Shawn Pyfrom, the gay son on DH, who told me that he just co-starred with Lucy Lawless in Darkroom, a scary flick that opens in a few months. I had to ask if he'd be getting some more same-sex action. "Wait till later tonight," he said with a wink. Since I'm not really into 19-year-olds, I was somewhat taken aback, until he added, "Tonight -- on Desperate Housewives!" Oh, yeah -- that's what he meant.

Kathy Griffin never misses an opportunity to stand up for her loyal "gays," and Hollywood's Christmas Parade was no different. There was Kathy, proudly wearing a T-shirt that said "We All Have AIDS" in honor of World AIDS Day. If you are wondering, her on-again/off-again hubby, Matt Moline, was by her side.

Blender magazine features an interview with Ricky Martin that is raising some eyebrows. In it, Ricky discusses his sex life and shares some tantalizing items like this: "I love giving the golden shower. I've done it before in the shower. It's like so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different." When asked about his last one-night stand, Ricky states, "We met, we did it, we left. I don't know if we're going to meet again." Note the undefined gender of said sexual partner.

For those of you sitting home on New Year's Eve (which you know I will be -- and faithful fans know exactly what I'll be doing), turn on what ABC calls Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve, but what I call "Dick Clark's Deathwatch." I know you people think I'm crazy, but you're even crazier if you think Dick is gonna be there. Maybe I'm wrong (and I'll admit it if I am), but if that train wreck called The American Music Awards didn't make Clark regain consciousness, nothing will. You wanna hear from Dick on New Year's Eve? Get out your Ouija board ... or call Jennifer Love Hewitt!

For this week's Filth2Go Gift Giving Suggestions, you might wanna pick up some DVDs, like The Golden Girls: The Complete Third Season. There's probably someone on your list who would like the complete first (and probably only) season of Fat Actress. And because everyone likes a hot boy (even lesbians -- but they don't like to admit it), there's Smallville: The Complete First Four Seasons. OK, so that Tom Welling can't act his way out of a paper bag, but who cares? You gotta love someone wearing more blush than all of the Golden Girls put together!

People write to "Ask Billy" every week, but some notes slip through the cracks. Martin in Toronto is hurt: "You always say that people can write you questions. I wrote a couple weeks ago asking if you had any photos of gorgeous Matt Lanter in his bathing suit from Commander In Chief but you never wrote back. Is it because I'm Canadian? So what if Matt's body isn't great -- I still think he's sexy. Please get back to me."

See? I'm a victim of my own popularity -- I get so much mail. But, Martin, I swear I was gonna get back to you. The last thing I wanna do is piss off a whole country! Yes, yes, yes, I have the photos of Matt Lanter in his bike shorts (I think he would have looked better in a Speedo, but I'm shallow that way). As the judges on "Manhunt" told him last year, his body could be more toned. But, hey, he's an "actor" -- not a model! The photos will be on Filth2Go.com.

Could it be that a certain newlywed is having trouble sticking to his vows? So say those "ladies of the evening" who work the streets of Hollywood. And we're talking about ladies with penises, doncha know. They all have the same story. Boy meets girl. Boy makes sure girl is really a boy. Boy assumes the position while girl pokes him up the pooper. Allegedly, there is evidence to prove this -- but we don't get bogged down by details like that.

When I can take on Canada, Cox and Clark, it's time to end yet another column. Busy, busy, busy -- Billy is running around like crazy. This past weekend, I hosted Pepper MaShay's performance at Buzz in Boston (she used my old dressing room -- thank God I cleaned it!). By the time you read this, I'll be in London launching the column in England. And then the holidays will be spent with family and friends on the East Coast. But the folks at Filth2Go Central are working at a feverish pace. Why? Because we have a huge announcement coming on January 1st. Keep your eyes on www.Filth2Go.com for details. If you have any specific questions, you can write to me directly at Billy@filth2go.com -- even if you're Canadian! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.