By Kai Bisby

Bless Me, Varla, for I Have Sinned!

The new year brings new beginnings and clean slates with all the sins of the past conveniently washed away in a stream of champagne and forgetfulness. Many of us have a laundry list of resolutions from past sins that almost immediately gets lost in the hamper until next year (at least for me anyway). Not Ms. Varla Jean Merman, drag queen extrordinaire, who faces the seven deadly sins head on in her all new musical extravaganza I'm Not Paying For This! opening Jan. 19 at the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center's Renberg Theatre (1125 N. McCadden Pl.). The celebrated alter ego of writer/actor Jeffery Roberson is returning to Los Angeles after a two-year hiatus matching sins with songs, stories, and incomparable videos -- which were all filmed in pre-Katrina New Orleans. I caught up with Roberson over a crackling connection while he was on holiday in Mexico. "I am from New Orleans, and New Orleans has always been about excess," says Roberson. After the hurricane, "Varla thought that God was trying to kill her for sure." So with the world being flushed down the proverbial toilet, Roberson was inspired to do a show on sins. "Varla was going to do a 10 Commandment show," jokes Roberson, "but that would mean that she would have to do 10 new songs. She was too lazy and seven deadly sins is three fewer numbers." Spoken like a true sinner. Singing covers songs, Varla has selected music that reflects the sins of the world. There are a couple of original numbers thrown in the mix as well. "I wrote ÔEverybody's Pickle is Bigger Than Mine' with a giant dancing pickle on stage, for envy of course." And then there's pride, which Roberson goes on to say is considered the deadliest of the deadly sins, "like gay pride," he says with sinful glee. Roberson then explains why anger is his (and Varla's) favorite sin in the show: "Because I did a video with a drag queen from New York called Flotilla DeBarge, and we do this version of Cher's 'Dark Lady.' We filmed that in New Orleans before everything happened. It's amazing because in the bathtub I have a 300-pound black drag queen, a 250-pound 6-foot-5-inch bear, and a leather dwarf all naked. It is a masterpiece I have to say." A masterpiece indeed! For tickets and information, call (323) 860-7300.