By Billy Masters

"Who's to say I won't become enamored with the whole gay business? Let's face it, there is some appeal there. I know I've always gotten along great with men. And gay guys always seem like they're having a great time. At the Christmas party I went to, they were the only guys who sang. Boy that looked like fun."

-- Seinfeld co-creator Larry David explains his fears about going to see Brokeback Mountain in last Sunday's New York Times. Trust me, Larry -- no gay men in this movie are having fun!

We've hinted at it long enough. And now, with the New Year, comes the big news -- the column you've known as "Filth" for the past decade has undergone a change. It's now simply called "Billy Masters." After all, my name has become so synonymous with "Filth," the folks at Roget have probably incorporated me into their latest edition! ... We've even got a brand-spanking-new Web site -- www.BillyMasters.com. So, no longer will I be hiding behind some made-up title. Hit me with your best shot -- I can take it.

I was wrong -- I admit it. The hot topic on everyone's lips New Year's Eve was Dick Clark. Would he show up? Wouldn't he? Was it a triumph? Was it a tragedy? Yes, he showed up, and I think everyone agrees it was nice to see that Dick is still alive. But perhaps hosting a celebratory evening was not an ideal fit. I briefly thought I was watching "New Year's Eve at Bernie's." When you stop and think about it, would anyone have tuned in to "MTV's Spring Break with Christopher Reeve?" Or "The Annual Rose Bowl Parade with Sunny von Bulow?" ... An interview with Barbara Walters might have been a better choice for Dick's comeback. But even with all of this should he/shouldn't he discussion, there is another controversy -- how much of this was "live" and how much was pre-taped? ... After all, Dick's only interaction with the co-hosts was to say, "Back to you, Ryan." The folks at ABC will just say, "Portions of the show were pre-recorded."

Ryan Seacrest pretty much handled the hosting duties, and he had more than enough reason to celebrate. As previously reported, the American Idol star signed a multi-million-dollar deal with E! to host all of the network's red carpet events. We now learn that Ryan will become managing editor and lead anchor of E! News Daily starting in March, and his first red carpet event will be the Golden Globes on Jan. 16, where he will be joined by Giuliana DePandi and Isaac Mizrahi. Actually, Giuliana and Isaac will be the ones on the red carpet. Ryan (who is the show's executive producer) will "act as master of ceremonies from a strategic tower perch." Oh my God -- he's gonna be with Missy up in the bell tower!

Apparently all good gays should get behind NBC and support the upcoming series The Book of Daniel. A press release from GLAAD (an organization I've long believed has outlived its usefulness) states that many anti-gay religious extremists are protesting this show solely based on information that the show has a gay character (played by Christian Campbell). Is that why I should support it? ... Because it has a gay character? ... What ever happened to supporting a show 'cause it's good? Nowhere in the press release do I read anything about the quality of the series. GLAAD seems to want people to support it solely because there's a gay character. No dice. Maybe it sucks -- in which case, I'd protest it because of that! But, to GLAAD, gay equals good ... and so it goes.

Ricky Martin clearly puts as much effort into his relationship with his family as he does in maintaining his phenomenal physique. This week, photos surfaced of the hot tamale scantily clad in a Speedo doing a variety of seemingly Greco-Roman exercises on the beach with an unidentified male companion. Turns out, the companion is his half-brother, Eric -- and he wasn't the only one with Ricky. In less-circulated photos, it's clear that Ricky was on vacation in St. Barts with various members of his family (including a particularly plump gal who insisted on winching herself into a two-piece bathing suit). These revelations don't take away from how delectable Ricky looks in these photos (although we must confess Eric looks better -- but Ricky can kick his legs higher and, presumably, wider). Will we publish these pics on BillyMasters.com? You have to ask?!

We have our first "Fayewatch" item of the year. Just because she's another year older, Miss Dunaway ain't ready to hear the words, "Don't call us ... we'll call you." Look for Faye to guest star on CSI Jan. 26 playing the part of a former showgirl with ties to the mob. What the hell show could Faye have been dancing in? Something with Gail Storm or Keeley Smith, I reckon.

In our first "Ask Billy" question of the year, Bruce in our nation's capital made me do some research: "Years ago, before he was a household name, a young Heath Ledger appeared in an Aussie TV series set in the future. The program's name escapes me, but Heath definitely stood out in a skin-tight silver jumpsuit. Does this show ring any bells with you?"

I can't find anything on Heath's resume that fits this description completely. The closest I came was Roar, a short-lived series created by Shaun Cassidy that was actually set in 400 A.D. Heath starred as Conor, a young Irish man fighting the Romans and trying to unite the Celtic tribes. Lots of chain metal and leather costumes. That was in 1997 and lasted 13 episodes. The previous year, Ledger appeared in Sweat, a series about students at an Australian school for athletes. In 1993, he had a small role in Ship to Shore about young adults training for the Olympics. Interestingly enough, he was offered one of two roles -- a straight swimmer or a gay cyclist. He took the gay cyclist role because he felt it would be more of a stretch. He also briefly appeared in the very popular Aussie show Home and Away as a surfer.

Could it be that a certain star is set to revisit one of her greatest successes? ... That's the word from theater insiders in London who tell me that hush-hush negotiations are ongoing to bring Julie Andrews back to the musical theater stage -- in Mary Poppins! Of course, Julie won't be flying around with an umbrella. Instead, a clever plot has been hatched where Andrews would take on the role of Mrs. Banks (an idea was briefly entertained where Julie would play Poppins' predecessor, wryly called Miss Andrews in the play -- but Julie nixed that idea as "undignified"). Should Julie join the show, it would be music to the ears of the producers who hint that without some star power to help the box office, the musical could shut down in a matter of months. However, Julie's not so keen on a return to London and, rumor has it, would be far more interested in joining the show when it opens on Broadway this fall.

Could it be that one of our favorite fag hags rang in the New Year once again barking up the wrong tree? So say folks in SoBe who tell me that the sly older cat and a significantly younger cutie were canoodling like two bad mice in the corner -- until the beauteous boy's buff beau barged in. Charity may begin at home, but this vacation suddenly had three little mice jockeying for attention. Sounds like the last honeymoon of our perpetual Miss!

When Faye is singing backup to Marg Helgenberger and I'm playing cat and mouse with a blind item, it's time to end yet another column. Don't forget, our rechristened Web site of www.BillyMasters.com is brand-spankin' new -- and you know how we enjoy a good spanking! ... Feel free to check it out -- or drop a note to me at our equally new e-mail address of Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before GLAAD endorses me! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.