"It's far more interesting to me that the American public is willing to rewrite one of our most sacred documents, the Constitution, than if Heath Ledger actually sucks dick."

-- Harvey Fierstein, weighing in on the importance of straight actors being cast as gay lovers in Brokeback Mountain.

Billy is writing to you from Sin City -- Las Vegas! Yes, I'm here on the Strip for the glittering opening of Hairspray at the Luxor Resort. Normally, I report rumors, but last week I unintentionally started one when I said that I'd be going to see Hairspray with Nancy Dussault and Mimi Hines. What I meant was that I went with them -- they are not in the show (although I suppose they could be). So please, stop bothering poor Mimi and Nancy and asking them what roles they're playing!

The Vegas version of Hairspray works quite well, even in this abbreviated form (although, it does lose some of the heart, along with much of the second act narrative). Marc Shaiman and Scott Whitman's songs are as glorious as ever, and Jerry Mitchell's choreography keeps things moving at an effervescent pace. The cast is marvelous, particularly Harvey Fierstein, who was better than ever on opening night (and was applauded enthusiastically by his ex-boyfriend and my sister-in-gossip, Ted Casablanca). The sexy (and buffer than ever) Austin Miller left the tour to play Link in Vegas, and he's every inch a heartthrob.

Of all the celebs at opening night, I loved bumping into Ricki Lake, who originated the role of Tracy in the John Waters film. I asked how it felt watching the show, and she candidly said, "It's been so long, and the musical is so different than the movie. Mostly, I'm able to totally enjoy it just like you. But in some scenes, I get flashbacks to when we were shooting, and it's eerie -- but in a good way."

Everyone has been talking about a completely bogus story regarding the size of Brandon Routh's "package" in the upcoming Superman flick. Just goes to show you how some less-reputable scribes can get their items picked up by the mainstream. One of our spies saw Routh at San Francisco's WonderCon, which is an annual gathering of comic aficionados. Routh explained that, while he's flattered by the rumors of his prodigious manhood, he's actually strapped into a quasi-jockstrap/athletic supporter/dancer's belt contraption, and the technical people have been working to make his crotch less obtrusive (personally, I prefer an obtrusive crotch). We also hear that comic purists are upset about the size of the "S" on the Superman costume. Auteur Bryan Singer explained that the "S" has to be smaller to make Routh's chest look bigger. See, folks? It's all smoke and mirrors.

By the way, someone sent me a photo unearthed from when Routh was captain of his high school swim team -- and you know I'm happy to share it with you at www.Billy

Masters.com.

Now we get to one of those stories that I feel compelled

to follow. As you know, I'm the one who introduced John Paulus to the world as the guy who had a one-night stand with Clay Aiken. Once I broke the story, it took on a life of it's own. I want to stress that Paulus was not paid by me, the tabloids, Howard Stern, or anyone else. He wasn't motivated to tell his story for money; he went public because he felt used and mistreated by Clay. I stress this because I know the minute I tell you that John just shot a gay porno scene for Michael Lucas, many will jump to the conclusion that, "He's just a cheap hooker out for a buck." I'm not going to argue that point because, frankly, doing gay porn doesn't exactly help Paulus' credibility. But, a guy's gotta eat ... and so he does in a scene that you can watch at www.LucasEntertainment.com (we also have some stills at our Website). John told me that he chose Wilson Vasquez as his scene partner, and added, "Wilson literally tore my ass up." Quite a way with words, our little John.

Let me clear some gossip out of my in-box:

Britney Spears has an-nounced that she will go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Haven't those poor people suffered enough?

Joey Lawrence is featured in the latest Ice Breakers gum commercial. Hasn't he suffered enough?

TLC's Rozonda "Chili" Thomas was pulled over for driving without her headlights on. The police then found that she was in possession of an unnamed narcotic and arrested her. Look, at least she has two eyes and wasn't driving in Honduras!

There's no truth to the rumors that our very own Michelle Rodriguez is being fired from Lost because of her mounting legal problems. I'm told that she's inexplicably bonded with the powers that be and that her job is more than secure.

Our first "Ask Billy" question proves that even my fans have Olympic fever -- and for a pretty predictable reason. Roger in Montana asks: "What do you know about Olympic skier Jeremy Bloom? What a stud -- WOOF! Does he play for our team (I doubt it) and do you have any skin shots?"

Jeremy Bloom is most certainly a hottie -- and he's not above showing off. The sexy, rippling skier has already graced the cover of the most recent A&F catalogue sporting a physique that would put most of the clothiers' models to shame. As if that weren't enough (and it's rarely enough for my fans), he's done ads for Equinox Fitness Clubs where he's shirtless, drenched in sweat, and wearing workout pants hanging precariously off his hips. Turin will be the second time the 23-year-old has been on the Olympic team. He delayed going to college for a year because of the 2002 games. When he did go to the University of Colorado, he went on a football scholarship and played for the Buffaloes as a "wide receiver" -- Lord knows, I wish I made that up. Although he's a "receiver" on the field, I'm told he does not play for our team. But that won't stop me from posting some sizzling shots on www.BillyMasters.com.

Since we started with a quote from the Divine Harvey, why not let him write our blind item:

"Last year, someone was going to be honored at a very big public event -- like a Kennedy Center thing -- and I was asked to be part of it. I wrote my little speech to lead up to some film clips and in it, I mentioned her lover. And then I was told that she wanted her lover taken out of it because she didn't want her lover mentioned someplace where her family might hear -- and this is somebody who is supposedly out!"

When I let someone else write a blind item, it's time for me to end yet another column. I have to thank all of the fans who took time out of their day on Feb. 13 to send me a birthday greeting. A special thank you to Mimi Hines, Nancy Dussault, our lawyer Mark Sendroff, and others who helped to make this Vegas birthday quite a memorable, indeed. You know what else is memorable? My little Website of www.BillyMasters.com -- pretty easy to remember, eh? To see how easy I can be, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I coerce Jeremy Bloom to add the two-man luge to his repertoire! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.