"I did in Batman and Robin. Think about it. I was in a rubber suit. I had rubber nipples. I actually could have played him straight, but I didn't. I did him gay -- I made him gay."

-- George Clooney answers Barbara Walters' question if he would ever consider playing a gay cowboy. Of course, Georgie knows that you don't make someone gay; we're born that way!

Since this is being written on the eve of the Oscars, I can't comment about the winners. Well, I suppose I could, but I don't want to wow you with my psychic abilities. Instead, I'll start with Barbara Walters' annual Oscars special. Aside from the aforementioned George Clooney, Babs interviewed the hunkilicious Matthew McConaughey, and there was a deliberate attempt to re-write history. When Walters asked him about the infamous 1999 nude bongo-playing incident, she went out of her way to stress that he was alone in his house -- an assertion he reiterated. However, if one goes back to the original reporting (and the charges filed at the time), we see that Matthew was "dancing around naked and playing bongo drums, while another man clapped." This unnamed bystander was actor Cole Hauser -- who also may have been naked. Cole was restrained by police, but not arrested. Sorry, boys -- I gotta call 'em like I see 'em.

Brokeback director Ang Lee hopes that his next project will be a biopic based on the life of Dusty Springfield. Charlize Theron is already attached to the film, and Ang would like Kate Moss to play the role of the singer's lover. That depends on whether the UK authorities press charges against Kate for drug use. Ironically, Colin Farrell just checked out of drug rehab and is leaning on Moss for support -- kinda like Paris Hilton helping you study for your SATs!

I recently caught the finale of Dancing with the Stars. I regained my composure after the Stacy Keibler debacle and was thankful that Drew Lachey won. What I didn't know was that there was an unfortunate Brokeback Mountain reference that was censored from the West Coast telecast. After Drew's rendition of "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy," Judge Bruno Tonioli said that Lachey was ready for "Brokeback Mountain: The Musical." What I saw was Drew laugh nervously. On the East Coast, after his laugh, Drew turned around and covered his prominent posterior with his cowboy hat in a mocking "don't go there" gesture. I'd be willing to overlook this because Drew's cute (although he's possibly the only dance contestant to gain weight during competition). Then again, why should we overlook it when you can look over the unedited footage yourself on BillyMasters.com?

Last week, I was with former pop star Tiffany at her special concert at West Hollywood's hotspot The Factory. "Tiffany: Then and Now" featured new songs alongside the hits you all remember -- and inexplicably, a crowd of kids not alive when these songs were first released clamored for Tiff as if she were Madonna (the gay pride festivals absolutely love Tiffany). I also got to spend time with buddies Jerri Survivor Manthey, Toni Paradise Hotel Ferrari, and first season American Idol second runner-up Nikki McKibbin -- who confided in me that she's engaged! The Nikster has been dating her bass player for quite some time, and they plan to be married on Halloween. That's my Nikki! My hunch is Nik's best friend, the lovely Miss Ferrari (who's a helluva kisser), will be in that bridal party -- or maybe popping out of the cake at the bachelor party!

One of our more respected national gay publications has outed an actor. In a commentary for Advocate.com, Jerome Cleary wonders why straight actors get awards for playing gay roles, but the reverse isn't true. In addition to other examples, Cleary writes: "Where was the clamor for John Wesley Shipp playing a heterosexual dad on TV's Dawson's Creek or a heterosexual comic book hero in The Flash?" Well, Jerome, part of the reason may be that Mr. Shipp is not officially "out" (and he's not the only one from the show in this precarious situation).

Donny in Chicago has a hankering for some nude celebs in our first "Ask Billy" letter: "You haven't had any interesting naked pictures lately, but can you find something on Daniel Craig who is the new James Bond? I'm totally in love with him."

Donny, I am indeed in possession of Mr. Craig's penis. I think I ran a picture of it before, but we've gotten a higher-quality photo of Daniel in a tub with his nether regions completely exposed. We also got some photos of Craig on the beach shooting Casino Royale, and lemme tell you -- Wow! Remember how sizzling hot Halle Berry looked coming out of the water when she was a Bond girl? This is an even hotter male equivalent! I don't know how to describe him -- kinda like if Bond was played by Dolph Lundgren in his prime! Since a photo is worth a thousand words, check out BillyMasters.com for a couple thousand words...

Speaking of someone with a way with words, time for a particularly juicy installment of "Fayewatch." La Dunaway is the subject of a documentary, and she's less than happy with some of the results. What has she done about it? She left a scathing message for the producers, and we have it! These two minutes of Faye ranting and raving have absolutely made my year! She calls ex-husband Terry O'Neil "a big, big liar" and "a man who, suffice it to say, stopped working when he married me and pretended to be my manager for a very long time. So let's not even go there -- it's very upsetting to me!" She doesn't want anything included about Andrew Lloyd Weber and the Sunset Boulevard debacle -- "I'd like you to cut him out." And, what of her iconic turn as Joan Crawford? "And I'd like you to really trim down everything to do with that Mommie Dearest. I'm not going to talk about it -- maybe one thing I'm going to say about it, and that's all. It's just like an obsession. Why can't you be obsessed with positive things?" Why am I obsessed with this message? I dunno, but it's priceless -- and you can hear every syllable of her scathing tirade at BillyMasters.com.

Could it be that the film version of Dreamgirls will not exactly be the show we all know and love? So say sources involved in the project, who tell me that the producer issued an edict -- new songs! Not that there was anything wrong with the score as it was, but without new material specifically for the film, there'd be nothing to win the Oscar for "Best Song." Happily, I'm told that composer Henry Krieger has written four new songs (and excised some old favorites -- sorry) that will be unveiled when the movie debuts later this year.

Could it be that a certain svelte singing stud isn't quite the ladies' man the press makes him out to be? So say sources close to the colorful cad, who tell me that at heart, he's a nice boy who likes other nice boys. And if you hear otherwise, you don't know Jack. Allegedly, he only indulges in same-sex sodomy when he's drunk. Just don't bring it up the next day, or he'll bitch slap ya!

When Faye chewing out a producer is news, it's definitely time to end yet another column. BTW, we just hit a little milestone at www.BillyMasters.com -- last week, we averaged close to a quarter of a million unique hits a DAY! I service a lot of people -- and I'm not even tired! For some hands-on assistance, drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you once my hands are free (but I won't leave voice mail)! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.