Gay Memoirs

By Christopher Cappiello

The Romanian

By Bruce Benderson
Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin Group, $16.95

"I'm back in the closet and loving it, in a country that still criminalizes homosexuality, with a lover who doesn't consider himself gay." This line, written by Bruce Benderson for a 2000 Village Voice piece, perfectly summarizes the story line of The Romanian, his literate and bitingly honest memoir of a nine-month affair with a Romanian hustler.

The middle-aged author first meets Romulus, a lithe, athletic 24-year-old Romanian, on a cruisy stretch of a Danube promenade in Budapest in December 1999. Benderson is in the Hungarian capital researching an article on the city's brothels for an online magazine. An unconventional symbiosis develops between the gay American and his straight object of obsession, as Benderson stays in contact with Romulus after returning to New York, sends money to support him and his family, and returns to Europe to meet the title character in a variety of cities.

The Romanian, which was awarded the Prix de Flore, Paris' highest literary honor, for the original French-language version, reads more like an engrossing novel than a memoir. The author's fascination with Romulus' homeland -- a country that includes the evocative and sinister Transylvania -- leads him to conduct research into Romanian history and some of its most colorful characters, all of which is artfully interwoven with his narrative.

Benderson writes with style and muscularity, and it is refreshing to read such a well-crafted memoir that covers somewhat familiar territory -- the gay man falling for the hustler -- with originality and aplomb.

America's Boy

By Wade Rouse
Dutton, $24.95

If the "I fell in a love with a hustler" story is fast becoming a cliched brand of gay memoir, the other dangerously familiar genre is the "I was a misfit gay child." Wade Rouse dances on the edge of cliché with America's Boy, his touching and funny tale of growing up fat, feminine, and gay in the Missouri Ozarks.

A public relations pro and journalist, Rouse writes in a clear, engaging style that keeps his story moving with crisp, short chapters. His colorful family, including an eccentric mother with a propensity for daiquiris and a typically taciturn Midwestern dad, makes for some of the book's most entertaining passages. Two surprisingly accepting grandmothers let the chubby little gay boy know, on some level, that he is loved, while a tough, motorcycle-riding older brother is a source of constant tension until his sudden death in a biking accident just after high school graduation. As the family's only remaining child, Rouse decides then he must be the son his parents want, and that means denying his sexuality until he is almost 30.

While the material seems familiar, Rouse is a gifted storyteller and has some truly funny incidents to look back on. On one of his family's annual pilgrimages to see the St. Louis Cardinals, the plump, 12-year-old with long hair gets lost on the field during a pre-game ceremony and starts crying. Journeyman outfielder Reggie Smith grabs Rouse's hand and reassures him, "Don't cry, little girl, it'll be OK."

The book covers Rouse's tortured coming-out process, which includes a determination to shed 50 pounds and become one of those hard-bellied gay boys he resented for so long. It's a tall order for one book to handle both a coming-out story and a dramatic tale of body altering without suffocating under the weight of its own earnestness. Rouse's good humor and lack of pretension allow him to navigate this treacherous terrain without becoming treacly, and while America's Boy doesn't have much new to tell us about growing up gay, it is an entertaining read that will leave most gay men in their 30s and 40s laughing in knowing agreement.

Alone in the Trenches

By Esera Tuaolo with John Rosengren
Sourcebooks, $24.95

Following in the footsteps of NFL star David Kopay and former Major League Baseball player Billy Bean, Esera Tuaolo has written a book about living a double life as a professional athlete. Alone in the Trenches recounts the 300-pound Samoan nose guard's struggle to succeed in the NFL -- one of America's most macho, testosterone-fueled environments -- while living a secret life as a gay man.

Born into a poor family in Hawaii, Tuaolo overcame many obstacles to establish himself as a pro football player. His nine-year NFL career included stints with five different teams, and peaked with playing time in 1999's Super Bowl XXXIII as a second string nose guard for the Atlanta Falcons. All the while he was desperately afraid that someone in the stands, or even sitting home watching on television, would recognize him and out him. The book is most effective in conveying the omnipresent fear that goes with living in the closet.

Eventually Tuaolo meets his husband, Mitchell, and living a lie becomes harder. The pressures of closeted living cause frequent fights between the two men, and Tuaolo is open about his own internalized homophobia. Following his retirement, the couple adopts two Samoan children, leading to Tuaolo's eventual public coming out and supportive phone calls from folks like Rosie O'Donnell.

Tuaolo wrote the book with Minneapolis-based writer John Rosengren, and the writing is bland and often seems aimed at a very low common denominator. But Alone in the Trenches is notable for its compelling story of a simple, deeply religious athlete trying to live honestly in a crucible of homophobia.

True Story: Vietnam to America

By Hao Van Nguyen, as told to Barbara Grether
AuthorHouse, $16.75

Hao Van Nguyen was a scared 25-year-old gay man who spoke no English when he boarded a ship to flee Vietnam as Saigon fell to the Communists in 1975. He didn't know where the ship was headed, except that it would take him to "the West." After a first stop in Guam, and a temporary Red Cross sheltering in Pennsylvania, he was sponsored by a Lutheran Church to live in Sioux City, Iowa.

True Story tells Nguyen's story of leaving his life behind in Vietnam and living the American dream, eventually establishing his own business in Hollywood and making annual trips back to see his family. The book is credited to Nguyen "as told to" Barbara Grether, and it's a shame he didn't find a worthier collaborator. The writing is extremely pedestrian, with little emotional insight into how the journey affected Nguyen. But because his life story is so dramatic, there is a kind of endearing innocence about the book's tone, and the reader is left with surprising admiration for this strong-willed man and his determination to tell his story.