What do men really think about their private parts? Find out in our exclusive frank and candid survey.

by Gary M. Kramer

The provocative documentary Private Dicks, now available on DVD, asks men what they think about their, ahem, members. From questions about masturbation, "foreskin or against," and answers about erectile dysfunction, diseases, and fertility, this is a film that candidly handles some prickly topics.

And yet the under-an-hour long film is, well, a little unsatisfying. Some of the participants, such as the hoaxer with the two-inch penis (curiously never shown), are given too much time, while some of the gay men are not given enough.

As such, Private Dicks got me thinking more about penises (I'm generally an ass man). And my editor wanted me to do something about those thoughts.

So I conducted my own cocky little survey, asking men I know about their penises -- what they think of them, about them and what they do with them. I spoke to men who have sex, men who write about sex, actors and filmmakers who portray sex, and solely in the name of journalistic integrity, I even approached people in the sex industry. I felt like Kinsey. Here are my results:

Jesse,

an actor/author in New York explained how he refers to his penis. "I just say dick. Cock is too porn star, prick is too pejorative." (Did he just say "pejorative"?)

So I asked Jesse what he liked about his dick, and he gushed, "that it can always get hard, even in situations where it shouldn't -- like when I go to the doctor's!"

Jesse said that despite this flaw in his dick's design, he was quite happy with it. But when I asked him what he would change, he replied, "I would make it curve downward -- my ideal penis slopes at a downward angle to slide down [a] throat; cut or uncut, I don't care -- and I want bulging veins in it. And I would make it bigger. Who wouldn't say that?"

That said, Jesse explained that when he went to Thailand, "They thought [my dick] was huge." And, he adds, "People like how hard it is."

As for Jesse's own fascination with dicks, he says, "I like that you can never tell what people have beneath their clothes -- that it's always a surprise -- because what might initially seem small always has potential to swell huge."

Everett,

a filmmaker in Los Angeles also considered why penises are so alluring. "Men are supposed to be ashamed of their bodies. That's a puritan idea. Anything that's forbidden becomes extremely fascinating." As such Everett believes that cocks are as interesting as a face. "It's curious to see what people look like," he says.

And what kinds of penises does Everett like? "Something manageable, I'm not a big fan of these porn cocks. I don't know what you are supposed to do with those things -- and I'm not interested in finding out!"

As for what he likes about his own penis, Everett says, "I like the silky smooth feel, and the engorged tissue when it is hard and the skin being loose on top of that, and I like the way it feels when it's in action." Then he adds, "And I'm glad I can't take it off because I'd lose it. "

Maxx,

who works at Premiere Escorts in Philadelphia. Maxx is in his 40s, and has been escorting for three years. Maxx says that his penis "is an extension of my personality." Maxx does not give his penis a name, either. In fact, he says, "I don't refer to it at all. I primarily use the term cock, because that's the term clients seem to prefer. At home, or at the gym, when I have to adjust it, I just say 'I'm messing with my parts."

Others seem to be happy about the look of his cock as well. "Since I can't see the size of my cock compared to other guys, I'm told that my cock is incredibly beautiful. The proportionality of the head, the shaft, etc., is incredible."

Maxx also explains that he often thinks about how to use his cock. "It gives me feedback if I do it right or wrong." And he admits, that "a big round hairy butt, and five o'clock shadow" get him hard. But what really excites Maxx about penises is "the person that goes with one."

Scott,

an art director in the Midwest, claims the penis is "the epicenter of sexuality. Even lesbians try to replicate what a penis does. It's such a sexually powerful thing." And Scott is all about the power of the penis. What turns him on is "really good deep erotic kissing. Put my face in a beautiful boy's butt ... I'm rock hard. And pulling on my balls -- that's very much an erogenous zone for me."

For Scott, sex is a full frontal activity. "I don't like [being] sucked as much as I like to dominate. I love to fuck, and I like to jerk off because I know what feels good to me." And he knows how to use his penis to please his partners. "Most guys I've been with are bottoms. I have a very definitive upswing when I'm erect. When I'm topping someone, I rub against their prostate in a way that really satisfies them."

John,

a publicist in New York is also satisfied with his penis. "I like that it looks normal, I've never been embarrassed by it. I like the shape of it compared to some others that I have encountered. Early in my experiences with men, I didn't like a foreskin. But now, it's not a problem. I'm neutral. If I had to choose -- circumcised. I've been with enough Latin and South American guys (many of whom, in my experience, have been uncircumcised) that I'm more comfortable with it now. But with a really long foreskin that hangs down into a pucker ... that grosses me out." John adds, "But I'm not judging the person."

John's comfort with his penis comes from his doctor, who told him that he had a "pretty dick." He says, "He had an easygoing way about him. He talks about it matter-of-factly. If he was more clinical, it would be [more] uncomfortable."

John says that he also sees the phallus as a symbol of power. "It's something that people come to worship. It makes you wonder ... architecture is so phallic." Then he adds, "Personally, I don't know why I'm attracted to penises other than they feel really good."

Gerardo,

who lives in the South and is the maker of the W-underBulge, a product that can be worn under your favorite briefs or swimwear for an impressive bulge, had this to say about his penis.

"Well just [thinking about] this is getting me hard! My penis likes to be jacked off. I don't seem to get as much stimulation from having someone else jack me off unless they know exactly what they're doing."

Gerardo considers why sex is so important to him and to men in general. "I think if sex wasn't such a taboo, penises would just be another body part that performs certain functions. But since sex has so much stigma in so many cultures, people usually find what they're told is bad intriguing. As a kid, I was fascinated by how much pleasure I got from playing with my pee-pee. I was always instigating sex games with the neighborhood boys or my cousins."