By Karen Ocamb

Too often when LGBT or HIV/AIDS activists leave the limelight, our memories of them fade. But LGBT history can be especially insensitive to those who made extraordinary contributions behind the scenes, eschewing visibility for service. Such a gay man is Lynn Cothren, who for 23 years served as special assistant to the "the first lady" of the civil rights movement, the late Mrs. Coretta Scott King.

If only history could freeze-frame Cothren's face as he escorted poet Dr. Maya Angelou onstage at the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church during the Feb. 7 funeral for the woman who called him "son." Heartbroken, humble, mindful not of the audience of 11,000 but of the woman in the casket and how their lives had intertwined to work for peace, justice and human rights, he focused on being of service.

"I asked for him," Angelou told IN Los Angeles magazine, when questioned about how Cothren, now director of administration for the Girl Scouts of the USA in New York, came to participate in the funeral. "He's always been to me like a son. He was a son to Coretta and a son to Betty [Shabazz, widow of Malcolm X], too."

Angelou made LGBT history when she included gays in her 1993 poem On the Pulse of the Morning, the first time gays were ever mentioned during a presidential inauguration. Angelou and Rev. Joseph Lowry were also the only speakers to mention gays during the six-hour funeral for Mrs. King, prompting spontaneous whoops of approval from a handful of gays at the service. Cothren and his partner, Elenton Williams, sat in the front row for the duration, invited by the King family.

The symbolism is significant since New Birth Missionary Baptist Church is home to Bishop Eddie Long who, along with Rev. Bernice King, the youngest daughter of Coretta and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., led a 2004 march in Atlanta that called for a constitutional amendment to "protect" marriage between one man and one woman.

"Bishop Long had a strong relationship with the entire family. He called Mrs. King 'Mother King' -- he was an honorary adopted child of hers," New Birth spokesperson Dan Rene (of Impact Strategies) told the Washington Blade.

Angelou, like Coretta Scott King, does not abide homophobia. "I am aghast and appalled at any people who decide that another group should not have their rights," Angelou told IN. "We're all each other's people."

In that spirit, believing that Mrs. King would have everyone embrace as family, Cothren felt at home at the church. "People who loved Mrs. King knew and loved me. People embraced me. I felt really loved because we all had this loss," Cothren told IN. In fact, when he arrived in Atlanta, "Bernice and Martin [who is pro-gay, as is sister Yolanda] had me at his house. It was just us; we love and understand each other."

During that private time, Cothren, who traveled the world with their mother, was able to share with his adopted siblings stories they didn't know, such as the meaning behind individual Japanese vases she specifically selected for each. "Bernice is my sister and I love her and I know Bernice loves me. Like any sibling relationship, we don't always agree -- but that doesn't mean we don't love each other. We have vastly different opinions on many issues, but the one thing we do have in common is that we love Mrs. King," Cothren said. "Bernice is not anti-gay. She came out against gay marriage because of her religion. Her mother didn't agree -- but she has a right to her belief, like I have a right to my belief."

Mrs. King, Cothren said, was an activist and pro-gay long before she met her famous husband or her stalwart gay assistant. Indeed, it was Mrs. King who introduced Bayard Rustin to Martin Luther King Jr. Rustin, an openly gay man, was the behind-the-scenes organizer for the 1963 March on Washington where Dr. King delivered his famous "I Have A Dream" speech. Perhaps not ironically, Cothren served a similar function as chair of the program committee for the 40th anniversary of the March on Washington. He helped ensure that there were three openly gay speakers on the program.

Cothren, 42, had a pro-peace history before meeting Mrs. King. "I've always known I was gay," Cothren told IN. He went to his first gay bar at 16. But as a church-going boy in Fayetteville, Tenn., he had difficulty living two lives -- TV's Dynasty and the Bible -- and sought answers during an international missionary trip to Haiti. Upon his return, and after "praying really hard" and fending off suicidal thoughts, he concluded that "God loves me the way I am. It was a big relief." He moved to Atlanta to study at the Atlanta Art Institute and got a job at the King Center to support himself. In his off-hours, he volunteered as an AIDS-buddy and helped six people with AIDS pass away.

As a progressive with a sensibility that all "isms" are connected to human rights, Cothren, with Mrs. King's encouragement, turned his attention to the anti-gay hiring policy at Cracker Barrel restaurants and led what became a national protest.

As essentially Mrs. King's chief of staff, Cothren often became her emissary to people and groups throughout the country. When Rev. Mel White was jailed in 1985 for trespassing at Pat Robertson's CBN Broadcast Center to protest anti-gay rhetoric, Mrs. King dispatched Cothren to visit White and tell him about Ghandi's vision of "soul force." White credits Mrs. King, and by extension, Cothren, with helping "give birth" to his spiritual group, Soul Force.

"We cared very deeply for each other. We were like peas and carrots," Cothren said of his relationship with Mrs. King. "Today, I'm doing what Mrs. King would have wanted me to do -- living my life. And, as a lifetime member of the Girls Club, I love the work I'm doing."