By the time this column hits the street, you'll probably have heard that Rosie O'Donnell will succeed Meredith Vieira on The View. Here's a little behind-the-scenes information. When Meredith got Katie Couric's job on the Today show, every out-of-work newswoman called Barbara Walters. I'm told that Jane Pauley, Connie Chung, Joan Lunden, and even Linda Ellerbee were frontrunners. Then Kathie Lee Gifford threw her hat in the ring, which opened up the possibility for a non-news professional. While this was going on, Star Jones was working another angle. Her contract is up for renewal this summer, and she too would like a different job -- Meredith's! Yes, Jones wants to get serious and become moderator of the show, and she recently filled in for Larry King on CNN to prove her chops. Star shifting roles meant The View needed a sassy, opinionated, overweight woman that American housewives would relate to. Enter Miss O'Donnell. But this doesn't end the musical chairs at the table. I'm told that we can expect yet another departure from the show within the next year.

Las Vegas is a regular stop for performers touring the country. Steven Friess and partner Miles Smith host a terrific interview show called The Strip Podcast (found, not surprisingly, at www.TheStripPodcast.com). They got a phone interview with Johnny Mathis, who was promoting his May 12-13 shows at the Las Vegas Hilton. In the course of their research, Steven and Miles learned that in 1982, Mathis mentioned his homosexuality. When they brought it up, the animated chat became very awkward and stalled. Johnny answered, "You know, being an older person, you know, talking about your sexual preferences and stuff like that -- it's very uncomfortable. I realize nowadays that people do it all the time, but for me, it's not the biggest thing in my life. My life is filled with wonderful things, and I think it's kinda icky to be talking about things like that." When they asked what would have happened if he came out in the '50s, Mathis replied, "Something like that would have ruined your career a few years ago. I don't know. It's very unpleasant to even talk about because it's such a small part of your life. I mean, it's a big part, but it isn't everything. It's one aspect of your life. And it's ... I don't know ... it's very strange..." And then, the hosts put him out of his misery and moved on. You can hear the entire discussion on the aforementioned link or this portion of the chat on BillyMasters.com.

This brings up a good point -- there seems to be an unwritten rule when it comes to gay performers. If they've admitted their sexuality voluntarily in the past, it's fair game. But, apparently, even if it's common knowledge, you're not supposed to ask about it. With that in mind, let's go to our next item:

Last Saturday night, musical theater veteran (and cutie) David Burtka sang at Mark's, a predominantly gay restaurant in West Hollywood. He was there with Neil Patrick Harris -- whom we'll call a "close friend," for reasons previously mentioned. Since this cabaret show took place in a dining and drinking setting, chatter prevailed. When Burtka got off stage, he went to a particularly noisy group, pounded his fist on the table, and said, "Thanks for paying attention, guys." Of course, these somewhat inebriated imps giggled and ignored him. Seconds later, one of them was beaned on the back of his head with a dinner roll. A witness said that Neil himself had flung said roll! The manager was friends with the drinkers, so he stopped by to say hi. According to someone at the table, Neil allegedly sprang over "with his hands on his hips and complained about us 'assholes'." When the manager explained that these were his friends, Harris said that they were disrespectful to the performers and should be banned. All the while, the folks at table kept taunting him by rolling their eyes and saying things like, "Whatever, Doogie!" When they were leaving, one of the revelers took out a cell phone to snag a snap of Neil and David, at which point NPH was much more genial and said, "I'm sorry I had to throw that roll at you." I suppose that's an apology! In any case, we got a fun story -- and you get to see the cell phone photo!

A while back, we told you about seven members of the 82nd Airborne who were caught doing gay porn (the photos can still be found on www.BillyMasters.com). Four of the soldiers received nonjudicial punishments and were discharged -- I think it was the discharge part that got them in trouble in the first place. Three soldiers were charged with sodomy, pandering, and engaging in sexual acts for money. Since one of the guys is married, he's also charged with adultery. Two of the three (including the adulterer) have pleaded not guilty, while the last, Private First Class Richard Ashley, has taken a plea bargain that will likely include a dishonorable discharge but retain pension benefits. All because someone videotaped what probably goes on in the barracks after lights out anyway!

Our "Ask Billy" question is from Jonah in Miami, Fla: "I thought Jake Gyllenhaal looked so hot in Jarhead. I know you said that he used a body double in Brokeback Mountain, but did he do any of the nude scenes in this one? How long did it take him to get that buffed look? Did he keep his physique?"

I'm sorry to tell you that although it took several months of intense training for Jake to develop his Jarhead body (with the help of my pals at Barry's Bootcamp in West Hollywood), it took only a month of regular activity for his body to revert to its previous state. It's mighty fortunate that every rippling inch was preserved on celluloid for generations to come. As for Jake's nudity in films, you are correct -- Jake did not do the nude cliff-jumping scene in Brokeback Mountain. The stills we snagged from the set clearly show co-star Heath Ledger frolicking with Jake's stand-in. However, Jake did do his own nude scenes in Jarhead -- maybe he wanted to show off his increased muscle mass. You may think that his film flesh is limited to the full-backal shot of him having sex with that girl against the wall. And yet, there's more. Our spies have done photographic enhancement on one of the shower scenes, and we now can clearly see Jake crossing in the background. Consequently, his penis is seen bouncing along. And you know what that means -- stills and video footage on BillyMasters.com!

When Jake could be confused for a member of the 82nd Airborne, it's definitely time to end yet another column. I have to acknowledge Marc Cherry for slyly incorporating yet another Golden Girls reference into Desperate Housewives. In the opening scene from last week's episode, the young girl Lynette's son was bribing to show her vagina was named "Cindy Lou Peoples" -- the same name Dorothy used when she snuck into someone else's high school reunion. Be sure to check us out at www.BillyMasters.com. And if you drop a li'l ole note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com, I promise to get back to you once I return from bootcamp! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.