By Peter Ian Cummings

(Editor’s Note: San Diego Pride is July 29-30.)

Gay Pride is not a party. It is an idea.

Being gay is about sex. Gay Pride means we are proud of our sexuality and the vibrant, free social life surrounding it.

That is what all those teenagers rioted for at New York’s Stonewall Riots in 1969. That first Pride March was not a parade and party in a gay area and gated park. It was their angry demand for free association and sexual expression. No shame, no apologies.

I wish I could make San Diego’s Pride Committee remember what Pride is for. For two months, they were going to ban under-18s from going to Pride, unless they had parental consent—a negation of Stonewall and the first such ban in the world. But, facing massive public opposition, threatened with huge protests, the Pride Committee recently dropped the ban.

Sadly, their new policy is just as bad.

At a public meeting June 21, the Pride Committee said they will now “strongly suggest” those who look under 18 go to a youth orientation tent, where—in exchange for free admission—they will be advised to “hang out in groups to avoid the risks.” And there will be “safe zones” for youth in case the “risks” arise.

What risk exists at Pride? At the meeting, the committee declined to say. But it’s clear the “risk” they contemplated is: Older gays may flirt, and younger gays need protection from that flirting.

That is absurd. The policy sends twin homophobic messages. One insult is that gay people are predators who cannot be trusted around kids. The other, even worse, is that gay flirting is so dangerous it must be regulated.

This policy perpetuates fear and shame. Flirting at Pride is never dangerous. The biggest danger is the fear itself—that people will be scared to approach people, so end up lonely. But the policy subconsciously affects adults too. By validating San Diego’s official fear and private shame over gay youth, it chides everyone to subdue their socializing.

That’s sad. One of the great things about being gay is that, freed from “straight” society, you can form unique new relationships. You can befriend, or indeed make out with, all kinds of people. At Pride, most flirting is desired. If someone isn’t interested, they know what to do. People who claim otherwise are often adults who don’t know many gay teenagers. Last year at Pride, a 17-year-old friend told me he liked someone in his 20s, but fearing social disapproval, he felt ashamed to say so. Pride’s policy encourages his shame.

Gay teenagers in San Diego have it tough. There’s a restrictive curfew, and no 18+ clubs (much less all-ages ones like L.A.’s Tigerheat). They are lonely, excluded, with nowhere to go. They await Pride, a rare chance to meet lots of new people.

Pride’s Web site says their policy is to protect youth. That’s a lie. They fear liability. But is there any serious risk of someone attacking Pride because some 17-year-old makes out? And shouldn’t we defend their right to do that?

There is not enough flirting in these fearful times. It is not Pride’s job to police it any more than it is a county fair's or mall's. This policy represents, simply, the lonely paranoia of a repressive era. It is hard to imagine it happening, say, in the 1970s, or in San Francisco or Sweden; and it is not how we should mentor gay youth.

Pride’s mandate is freedom, not conditioning people’s private desire. It is not simple or easy right now to defend gay liberation. But San Diego Pride’s mission is to do that, no matter what.

Peter Ian Cummings is the editor and publisher of XY Magazine, the world’s largest gay youth magazine. He lives in West Hollywood and San Diego.